26 January, 2009

In Pursuit of...

It is always great to have old friends.  Old friends that are not only older than you but also can do the “remember when” with you.  Older friends that know your sense of humor, have been through the rain with you, and who accept you for all that you and are not.  Such friends are honestly, priceless.

They are the friends that you can ask anything – and they can respond with anything because… well, you’re friends!

One of my good friends, my tried and true, never let you down, always ready to read what you have to say, doesn’t go gaga over my voice, kind of guy has been discussing men with me of late.  Mostly, we have been typing about the kind of men that pursue single, late 30ish, kind of women.  But, to make a point, I went back to his single days when he first noticed me (or didn’t) and why he didn’t pursue me.

His response – by the time I got to know you, I was engaged…

I see his point.  We didn’t really start chatting or becoming friends until after he was engaged.  But he is missing my point – he wasn’t engaged when we were first thrown into a room together and noted the existence of one another.  We did notice one another – I mean, how can you not notice the only guy in the room who looks as if he takes time away from the books and the beer to exercise?  (And I have other assets that draw the average man’s attention)

But he didn’t pursue.

I didn’t flutter my eye lashes, play with my hair, or give him the “look.”

Later, after he married and when we had various classes together under our belts – car pooling and conversations – I asked him why he went from single to engage so quickly as when he first arrived in my world, he was single.

After a semester in graduate school, he realized that there weren’t any good prospects.  He went back to his village and proposed to his former girl friend.

No prospects?

He explains that this was before he started talking to me; before he found me interesting. 

The point, at the end of the day, is that we just weren’t meant to be that kind of item.  We were, from beginning to end, meant to be friends.

Friend or lover or just the everyday woman, no one likes to have a guy tell them that they weren’t worth considering.  I wasn’t even sure I liked hearing that I was found interesting only after the conversation started.  And yet, how often is that the case?

How often do we realize just how interesting and amazing a person is only after we start to chat?


Anonymous said...

The key line for me here is this:

"I didn’t flutter my eye lashes, play with my hair, or give him the “look.”"

It takes two to tango! This is what I mean when I suggest women should use their wiles to get a man to pursue them. Sometimes we need to be hit on the head to get into pursuit mode, else we'd be chasing every single woman who walked by. Or every single woman we worked with.

Bat those eyelashes! Twirl that hair! Smile.

Anonymous said...

This seems to happen to a lot of women I know, including me. I have no idea why. Is it that we need something so obvious to see that we're just supposed to be friends with certain people? Or is it because we need to be more forward to begin with?
I'm no help here.

MindyMom said...

I agree with Dads. Case in point I was at a bar last Friday and ended up having a great conversation with a hot guy - friend of a friend - but thought nothing of it (romanticaly) until when at the end of the night he kissed my hand and asked me if I would be back again next Friday. I told him point blank I would be but only if he were to ask me to come with him on a date. He said he appreciated my directness and that made it easier for him to ask me for my number.

Scotty said...

Lots of times I think. I mean, many times someone isn't exactly who they seem to be at first, right?>