23 September, 2010

Caught in the Schedule of the Day

Humidity met me as I left the building yesterday afternoon.  A shock to the senses – September is not this hot nor is it this humid.  Such days are restricted to the likes of July and August – yet summer greeted me in full force as I ventured to the bus stop on the last full day of the season.  Summer is not gracefully leaving center stage; rather, she is pulling out all the stops with a few show stoppers!  

I watched my shadow, feeling my air conditioned skin warm all the while watching the storm approaching from the west – thunder booming, dark clouds racing to cover the brilliance of yellow and blue.  Would I make it to the bus stop and then into the coffee shop before the rain arrived?  Could we even make it to ballet before the downpour?

I delighted in the game – the race against nature, the dichotomy of the sun and blue skies drawn on half the sky while shades of gray filled the remainder.  

As the bus turned into the street, the first drops began to fall.

As I took refuge under a tree, ever so thankful for the abundance of greenery over head, a fellow parent offered me an umbrella for the day.  

When the skies opened, we were safely tucked into a corner of the coffee shop enjoying a pre-ballet chat and snack.  By the time we left, the rain had traveled east leaving us with wet streets, puddles, and the chance of seeing a rainbow.  

That was yesterday, today is promising to be quite different.  

I woke with tears gathering behind my eyes and feeling glad that no one would be measuring my blood pressure.  

Having slept little last night, I woke feeling drained of energy – the heat, the humidity, the schedule of the day that stretched before me.  Through the hours of the morning, I have fought back tears though I am not sure I know why they linger.  I have cleaned, walked, back tracked twice, chatted with neighbors, joked with the barista, and landed safely in my office, prepared to in gross myself with work.  

But before I started, I read giulietta’s comment from yesterday on Beauty…  

“Maybe schools could teach a class called beauty and talk about its many forms? Inner, outer, wild, courageous. Perhaps, math and reading and science might be better integrated into larger topics?
Every time I look at a flower I'm amazed by its beauty.”

And tears gathered for another reason entirely…

Suddenly I was imagining the schools teaching the idea of beauty – the beauty of languages, of art, of physical movement, of the way words play together and create images… the beauty of logic, of numbers, of experimentation, of method, of the way things just “work” and why…

And then she reminded me of the simple and complex beauty of a flower…

While yesterday I was able to see the beauty of the day, today I have been aware only of the drained feeling inside.  I remember noticing a light floral scent as I walked, the lift inside when I chatted with the neighbor, and delight of my daughter as she talked of her dream and finishing her book and the happenings in the classroom…and I, like so many others around me, didn’t recognize the beauty.  

How easy it is to be caught in the pressure of time and physicality.  


Patty - Why Not Start Now? said...

You capture that paradox of life so well, M. Sometimes I wonder: are the days when we're caught in the pressure of time and physicality necessary so that we can have those other days of purely giving ourselves over to beauty? It's compelling for me to think we could always be in those days of beauty, yet, they never seem to last. And I think this is OK.

BigLittleWolf said...

I think we shouldn't expect to feel those highs all the time, or even to be able to fully appreciate moments of beauty every day. It's simply unrealistic.

And like Patty, I think that's okay.

As for those days when we're sad, or hollow, or just feeling worn, I think those days are just as okay. Perhaps necessary. Something is going on - and our bodies and minds are reacting, curling inward in a way that is protective and emotive at the same time.

If moods weren't intended to vary, why would we have them?

Sorrow said...

Sometimes I see an invisible wall, that reminds me that there are two worlds. Mine and theirs. When I am in theirs, I am tired and cautious and drained. Anxious and impatient. When I am in mine, I am in the light... surrounded by beauty.

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi TE .. that was beautiful and certainly gave me food for thought - when I wrote about the sunflower .. it resonates with Fibonacci code .. the natural world is full of it - maths, language (who was Fibonacci - Italian (I guess!), beauty, design layout - the close up I posted I thought was incredible .. so your idea of beauty and combining it with maths, language, the flowers movement with the sun - absolutely encapsulates what you and Giulietta bring up - Beauty

Sometimes we just get overwhelmed .. often for the simple things .. then it's one step at a time ..

Don't know if you've been over to JD Meier's sight - Sources of Insight .. he did an extremely good 30 day posting in August .. well worth a look ...

.. and he said .. work out your three main items for the day and make sure you do those ... ie put your rocks in the glass first, then the stones (other work), then the sand to fill the glass up .. if there's time .. I like the concept ..

Hope today is easier .. and all is well - the heat certainly can affect us ..

Have a great weekend and love to you both .. Hilary

Tess The Bold Life said...

This is so powerful. I love the new required classes on beauty;)

BigLittleWolf said...

Ms. TE, Stop by my crazy little shoe world... and peep (toe)...

Belinda Munoz + The Halfway Point said...

TE, I can relate to your level of sensitivity. Seeing the immense potential yet getting smacked in the face with uninspiring reality. I think the ability to feel this way -- to see the possibility and reality so clearly -- is a fine jumping off point for making a difference. Big or small, doesn't really matter. For those of us who write, I think we have more leverage than we realize as to how much of a difference we can make.

Lovely post.