11 January, 2013

Right Now

The night has closed around me.
Another work week ended; one that has proven quite emotionally challenging, which is something I can't often say in regards to my professional life. But then I don't often open a document and find myself wanting to just shut the PC down and walk out of the building either. This reaction, not a result of work or politics, but the product of the battle within myself as I struggle between compassionate empathy and the recognition that I am attempting to do my work and the work of another as a result of that compassionate empathy. Capable as I might be, it is a challenge to walk behind the elephants, cleaning up the mess before the President sees it or worse, steps in it.
That isn't a great analogy though it reflects my feelings at the moment.
I am frustrated, torn, tired, and having to take one day at at time as there doesn't seem to be any change on the horizon. Good thing i am comfortable living in today!
I watched the sky darken just beyond my windows this afternoon.
I shot e-mail throughout the building and ventured through the office taking care of what I could; attempting to manage a situation that requires attentive responses over bursts of reactions.
I feel as if I am walking on eggshells at times; watching over my shoulder as the wrong word, a demonstration of concern with the incorrect tone, anything could have an unexpected impact.
It is all drama; it is not my drama, and yet maintaining a distance that allows me to stay sane proves difficult when it involves work.
The night closes, rain drops no longer falling though lights sparkle and glisten from their remains.
Right now, there is no work, no drama, no means of working.
Right now, I have the space to breathe and just, be.


Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi TE .. it sounds challenging .. but at least you've found space to breathe, and just BE.

My thoughts are with you ... all the very best - Hilary

Lesley said...

I admire your instinct to live in the moment.

BigLittleWolf said...

I wish I could learn from you, TE. Am living my own times of "between a rock and a hard place" and don't seem to have your capacity to "be."

However do I learn it?

Empathizing. And wishing you a lessening of the stresses of the situation, if not an unmessy solution.