30 March, 2007

marriage... the "right one"

I recently asked a good friend... if he had a chance, would he marry again. I have yet to receive a response, but the question intrigues me. The girls I know, under thirty, are getting married. They are excited, planning weddings etc, and probably not considering that, in the way this society thinks, they will be married to that man for fifty years or longer... potentially 70 years. That is an awfully long time to spend with one person.

Diversely, I have various friends in Northern Europe who simply do not marry. They might live with a woman, have kids with her, etc, but they do not marry. I recently received word that one of them is getting married, after only begging with the guy for a year. I was stunned as it is not the norm.

That made me consider, in this country, we are quick to marry. In other countries, people date or are engaged for years before they marry. My Scandinavian friend said, when it is "right" why wait? SO the question is, do those who don't marry thee not believe that they have found the "right" person; are they holding out just in case that "right" one comes along? And in this country, are we so caught up in the romance of love that we believe that "romantic love" to be "right" forgetting that it ends... or does it have to end?

Way back in the day (years ago obviously) a guy told me that he felt that for me... the goofy expression, the happiness of just having the thought of me etc. I felt it for him as well. For me, he was "it" or what they might call the right guy. I would have been perfectly happy being with him for the rest of our lives (I think/thought) for him... well, I was not that person. perhaps he knew better than did I?

Someone told me yesterday that love, to him, has become more pragmatic. Interesting. It no longer is about romance and the butterflies, but is pragmatic. is it possible that it can stay romantic... goofy grins... passionate...unconditional for decades?

Can a spouse remain our best friend and the sexiest person alive?

There is no question that the relationship between two people changes throughout the lives of the individuals. The question is, can they survive those changes and can the love endure? Can we maintain relationships in which we do not end up growing apart or boring one another to pieces?!

For me, I think we can. It is always interesting to find ones self in a situation where we feel a certain type of love and the person, for whom we feel that love, does not feel it toward us. Love allows us to give that person the freedom to find the love that they seek, but it is an interesting feeling all the same.

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