04 May, 2007


To call or not to call, that is the question.

When it comes to men, I am truly and completely a female form of Charlie Brown. I am great at "friends" and I am fabulous (not to toot my horn or anything) after the "relationship" (in whatever form) begins. It is that in between part that, well, it leaves me baffled and befuddled.

Primarily, men simply don't take me seriously when I say I am not looking for marriage. I think that this, first and foremost, throws them off. Honestly, what thirty something woman is NOT looking to get married? It is like the situation immediately starts with a "doubt" in the trust column. (which is just beyond me as honesty is key with me)

From there, it is all downhill. Meet perceived great guy and work/life get in the way.

In December and January I had a crush on a guy I perceived to be great - what a way to end and start the years! The kind of guy that you enjoy talking with, laughing with, who has a sense of humor and a way of talking that, well, leaves you wanting more. We were on the same page; marriage is not a part of our future, just a relationship for the fun and companionship/friendship... you know, a great guy.

One thing about great guys in DC, they are all married to their work. This perceived great guy was no different. He had the chance of a lifetime and took it. Like the sentimental fool that I am... I am happy for him. (something else guys around here don't get, women can actually be supportive and happy for them over being resentful over their success or the time required to achieve that success. )

Thus, since January I have worked to get over my "crush" on said guy. I mean, honestly, he probably wasn't that great anyway - right? It was more my imagination than the reality of who he was. This is a city of politicians and well, he knew how to play the game. (I don't think so. I think he is a good person and great at what he does. I just hope he didn't play me! )

So my FWB sent me an e-mail last week, "I think you should call said guy and see if there is any interest."

Sigh, I was quite assertive with perceived great guy from the get go. Completely out of character in a sense, but I am 36 and why not demonstrate interest or why play games if I think it is something I want to explore further?

I have not called. Usually I take whatever FWB says seriously. he is a guy's guy in that there is nothing but "guy" coursing through is body. He thinks like the typical guy. He lacks a romantic bone! (That said, he is one of the few that knows about this and IF he is reading... he knows that he is the best!)

This time, however, I am not sure FWB is right. I am actually not thinking about perceived great guy every few days, wondering what he is doing etc. I have moved on. (of course, I have my weak moments when I recall his voice and consider his belief in slow seduction but those are increasingly few and far between)

And yet, here I sit, writing about the situation. Like Charlie Brown, I am clueless about what to do. Do I do as FWB suggested and, out of the blue, call perceived great guy? Or do I let it go and enjoy the memory and the thrill that I felt in December and January?

Despite my unorthodox American thinking, I was raised in a traditional family and have a clear idea of how men and women are supposed to behave in the "boy meets girl" scenario. SO, I am not supposed to call him - right?

What a way to start a weekend.

To call or not to call...


Bre said...

I'm really bad at the same parts that you are, and I love the "female Charlie Brown" description!!

I say call, because the absolute worst is looking back and wondering what would have happen if you had called.

The Exception said...

You nailed it Bre. I hate "what if" and have just one in my life thus far. I told him, when he was offered this new job, that I do not do "what if." situations. And now, here I am, in the midst of a huge what if! ;)

Ruby said...

Ohhhhhhh this is a toughie! I don't know that you should call if you're thinking of him less and less...

Eric said...

First, I am thinking living in DC and being a blogger might be a dangerous game......ha ha (Jessica Cutler story).

Secondly, if he has not called you than fuck him. Guys and girls are a dime a dozen, if one pisses you off today, go to the mall tomorrow and find two just like them.

I am sure the relationship was fun and nice and all that emotional bullshit, but, if it is over it is over. Come on, if he has not called you than is he really interested? I am not one of those people to waste my time waiting on someone else. I will replace them the next day. Wow, I bet I would fit in, in DC. ha ha.

ok, on a serious note, I think you should just move on.

brandy said...

I'm going to go with Bre and say call. I mean, to pull out the cliche of all cliches... life's too short NOT to call. Good luck!

Carrie said...

Ooh... that is a tough one. The few times that I have called didn't end up the way I wanted to. I started doing all the work and kind of continued until I lost interest, or worse, HE lost interest. Perhaps the old saying is true - that guys like to chase - but at the same time it is not easy just to sit back and wait for someone to want to run after you.

Martian said...

You've got something in common with this anon girl, Exception...

Have the T-Shirt said...

I think I'm in the don't call camp, but then, I'm not the person anyone should be taking advice from, considering I don't even follow my own advice.

cathouse teri said...

Hi! New here! (I think... hell I don't know where I've been and where I haven't)

So let me get this straight. You were seeing this guy and having fun and then he... what? Got married to his work?

I have a supercool relationship with a man. I love this relationship because it's just good. It's relaxing. It's sexy. It's fun. We've been going out for two years exclusively. When we first met, I would struggle over whether or not to call him. My daughter advised me, "If you want to call him, mom, then call him!" So I did. He always loved it when I did. I said, "howcome you always want me to call you?" He said, "because it's nice to be sought after." I said, "no shit! so call me!" As it turns out, he's the most amazing and refreshingly surprising and honest man I've ever met.

So call him. What the hell can it hurt?

The Exception said...

It is nice to see my own mixed up state of mind reflected in the comments.

Teri, your daughter is a smart cookie as that would be my advice. I mean, honestly, all he can do is hang up and then we all move forwad, right?

Sounds like you have a great guy. Does he have a brother! You have what I want...enjoy it!

cathouse teri said...

Naw... he doesn't have a brother, sorry! :)

And it took me awhile to find this one. Don't worry, though. There are tons of great guys out there. Get you one! And for goodness sake, have fun!

BeautifulDisaster said...

The risk is that you call him, he doesn't reciprocate, and then your memory of the experience is marred by the rejection at the end. I'm a firm believer that if a guy is interested, he'll do the work. But, all that said, I don't see anything wrong with calling him just to say hi. That opens a door that he can choose to walk through or not.