I really like my life - well, for the most part. I have an easy job with flexible hours, a home, a great kid, live in a nice neighborhood... there isn't too much not to like. For the most part, I even like not having a man around. I am definitely one of those who could manage the bicoastal relationship, partner who travels extensively, military spouse, ... you know. Things are good, for the most part but, there are a few challenges, just a few.
Parenting - there are times when I don't want to do it alone. There are times when I feel as if I am truly doing it alone. Then there are times when I feel like I am doing it alone and yet know full well that even though I am the custodial parent and daddy is not present, I am not alone. It is like being a family of two at a table set for three - that other place is there even though it is, for all basic purposes, empty.
There is the lack of space or personal time. I can't just read a book, watch a movie, take time to myself in the house unless she is out of the house. When she is out of the house for very long, the place starts feeling empty. She is such a presence. I can't wait to see her when she is gone even though I truly enjoy being on my own.
But one of the most difficult aspects is truly the lack of "adult" time. I mean, I have time to do adult things, but... it just isn't the same. There is something about the spontaneity that comes from an adult relationship that doesn't happen when you are me with a kid in the house. To ease the situation, I have mastered the art of the "lunch meeting." Which, in truth, can be quite nice though it can be challenging to force one's mind and drives to comply.
The "Nooner" also doesn't eliminate the desires that occur at midnight or early in the morning, when I want to enjoy the man next to me. But, there is no man next to me. The bed is empty . Sheets are cold. I am left wondering if "this" is truly the way I want my life to be?
every once in a while I simply miss having that body next to me - the comfort, the warmth, and... "sigh"...the possibilities.