Last week this report was released. TAG noted it here and the top 20 reasons for men and women.
Intriguing. Someone actually stopped and dedicated money to study why people have sex.
We all know that Americans have sex but it is something we don't talk about much. Sex, in America, is kind of a subculture. It is everywhere. It underlies everything - and we discuss it with titters, giggles, and in hushed tones.
Sex, to me, was never a big deal. Honestly, I remember the controversy that surrounded it in high school. Friends who took it so seriously that they were hurt when this or that friend did it or wanted to go on the pill.
In college I had friends who did not have sex - kind of like a former President. I had other friends who were experimenting and trying it for the first time. College was about sex.
Living on the European continent was an experience within itself. I don't know whether it is their location, the age of the cultures, or what. How can these, openly sexual people, have colonized the United States?
In Europe, where I was, sex was everywhere. Advertisements, clothing, conversation... it was not a part of a subculture, it was simply a part of the culture itself.
The people were honestly accepting and okay with sex!
With all this in mind, I approached the report with interest. Why do people have sex?
As one might imagine, men and women have sex for different reasons. All of the reasons listed were from a pre-determined list.
And why do I have sex? I mean, this is the question I had to ask myself upon reading the report. It is a question I had never considered.
* Desire to express closeness or emotion
* Chemistry - like "that guy" who I finally messed around with only to say later that I would not do it again. Twice I said I would not do it again and twice again, I did it. I no longer say I won't do it again because, I have a strange feeling that should opportunity present itself... I will do it again.
* Desire to be close - as close as physically possible
* Give or express love
* Feeling playful, creative, experimental
* Curiosity - both curious as to just how good this guy really is and curious to see if the connection is truly there
* And, actually, because there is a free moment in both of our schedules...I might not be in the mood but, the time is here and I don't want to pass it up. (and I don't like this reason, but it is true)
* Lastly, I have done it because it just happens
I have not done it because it is expected. A guy once told me years ago - it was Friday and he was going to have sex. He didn't necessarily want it, might not have been overly in the mood, but hey, he and his girl had sex every Friday. It was just the way it worked - routine.
Determining the motive behind the act is not as easy as it might seem. How many of us actually can separate motive from emotion, physical reaction, side effects/benefits? Is having sex a dependent or an independent variable?
Although this report is interesting, perhaps the better question to study would have been, why don't you have sex (if in a committed love or marriage type relationship)? I think that the answer to such a question would have been quite enlightening.
10 August, 2007
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