Learning to Speak a Common Language

Men and women are different.  

 

 WE think differently, communicate differently... we are just ... different. But when it comes to love, it is not just men and women who are different, it is all people who are different. WE all want, need, and require different things - we love differently and we communicate that love in so many different ways.

 

 I am sure that there are loads of stereotypes that play into this dialogue.  All the things that we generalize that men and women do... men are more physical while women are more emotional - that sort of thing.  

 

But is there more to it than that? Is there more to communicating love than a simple understanding that women are speaking more from the heart and men... well, from the head?

 

 Shouldn't love be one of those things that is easily communicated - clearly stated through actions and words?  But it isn't. 

 

I have been thinking about this a lot lately - how to find the best way to communicate love in terms that another will understand; in ways that will leave them feeling loved. In the process I had to consider what another does that leaves me feeling most loved.

 

 Ever thought about it? What are the things that make you feel loved? What are the things that you most desire from another?

 

 For some, it is doing the every day things that help out - cooking, cleaning, providing, straightening, caring for the house and kids... that sort of thing.

 

 Still others like to receive little gifts - notes, poems, stories, flowers... you know, something made or bought that says "I love you."

 

 For some, it is words of affirmation - complements etc. It is all about words - what is and isn't said. (Thankfully I have never been involved with one of these men who listens for such words. Instead, I find the men who can go toe to toe with me regarding the use of the English language - our words can cut as easily and as deeply as they can heal).

 

 People can also understand the  physical far more than another  language of love. They desire the little touches, the strokes, and the subtly of a simple hug or gesture. For them, touch speaks louder than anything spoken ever could.

 

 And lastly, there is my language - the language that I understand most  clearly (though I speak a pretty good physical affection as well)... quality time. There is nothing that says love more plainly and clearly to me that time spent together. It doesn't have to be an elaborate date or an expensive trip. It can be something as simple as a car ride, a conversation with no distractions, or a walk in the park. Hey, it could even be a dance in which no words are spoken. The point is that someone took the time to focus on me. That is love.

 

 I have to admit that these ideas about the love languages are not my own. They come from the book: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

 

The idea behind the book is that people speak and understand "love" in different ways and through different actions.  His idea is illustrated through stories of couples who do not speak the same love language and have learned to communicate their love for another by communicating it in the way that they understand.  It is an interesting idea.  As I read the book, I flashed back through my own past - love that was not understood, actions that seemingly went unappreciated, a lack of understanding despite many attempts to make things clear.  Could it be that we simply didn't speak the same language when it came to love?

 

Young, old, single, involved, or married... there is something intriguing about learning to speak the language of the person you love (and learning how they can speak to you) so that you can best express... love.