On Being Invisible

Throughout my life I have been comfortable as the observer; the quiet person on the sidelines taking everything in before opening my mouth or becoming the center of attention. That said, I have also been comfortable serving as the center of attention, the hostess, or the conversationalist. I could hold my own in most any circumstance. Everything was... fine in either situation.  

 

It was, in a sense, as if I was choosing my role - whether to be invisible on the sidelines or center stage. As long as the invisibility was my choice, then everything was fine...

 

 Then one day it wasn't my choice.

 

 In one moment, I went from being a well educated, well traveled, well read person to being...

A Mother!

 

 When the Diva was 5 months old, we flew from the Heartland to the Southwest to attend my grandmother's memorial service. We were seated in the middle of two people on a crowded flight. The Diva was not walking but quite active all the same.

 

 On one side sat a man and on my other side a woman. Throughout the entire flight, they chatted, completely ignoring the woman and child that sat between. Neither asked how I spent my time during the day; neither showed any interest in me at all, most likely assuming that I was a "mom."

 

 I started wondering just how often this happens? how often do we, as women and as men, lose our identities when we become parents - or when we are seen with our kids?

 

 As it happens, at the time of this flight, I was working as a Defense Analyst. I did have things to discuss and, for the most part, interesting things to say.

 

 I understand that while parents are with their kids, kid issues and behaviors tend to dominate our brains. I find it just as frustrating as others might. There is nothing fun about trying to carry on a conversation with a parent with a young child who is continually interrupting or requiring attention. The conversation just doesn't happen .   I like to think that I am not one of these parents - but I am sure that I am.

 

 However, when my daughter is not around - well, I am probably like most other adults. I am able to carry on conversations that do not involve anything concerning my daughter!! (shocking... I know)

 

 I like talking to adults.

 

 I like remembering what it is to be a woman - and I would like living as an adult woman more often than I currently do! !

 

I like talking politics, issues, philosophies, current events, history... you name it, I am happy to be involved in the conversation. In fact, you might not even know that I have a kid... that I am a mom!

 

Why is it that, to some, a child renders the associated adult invisible?  I don't believe that, despite any outward appearance to the contrary, a parent has lost any mental capability or ability to interact with other adults?  Or have we?  Our lives do change with kids; our hearts are full and our responsibilities are increased, but we do not become invisible. 

 

Despite my invisibility to many, I am not invisible to myself.  I do pay attention to the adult that lives and breathes inside; the professional that craves a job that will stimulate the mind and the bank account; and to the woman who feels and desires and wants for more...

 

But there are parents who do not see any other aspect of themselves beyond "parent."  Their children define their identity.  It is these parents who, most likely without realizing it, have rendered themselves invisible - completely invisible - to themselves; denying the men and women that live within and that long to play .