SAD

January is always a difficult month for me.  I am not sure if it is the beginning of a new year, the end of the old year, the cold and inconsistent weather...  I am just not sure.  I know that part of it is that there is not enough sunlight. 

 

I grew up enjoying about 300 or more days of sunlight a year.  Bright blue skies, as vivid as you can imagine, provided a backdrop to the muted greens, dusty blacks and grays, and the varieties of browns, reds, and purples of the state's natural beauty.  What the state lacks in lushness (due to low precipitation) it makes up for in passion - as seen in amazing sunsets, thunder storms, and dark night skies with stars close enough to touch.  In such an environment, with such a childhood as mine, it is easy to become accustomed to sunlight; to develop a kind of addiction to the natural light and its affect on everything.  This addiction largely goes unnoticed until... until that sunlight is no longer there.

 

When it isn't there - in December and January... life can be more dark than light; more emotional than easy going.  This January has been no exception.   

 

But this morning things started looking up. 

 

I stood in the shower this morning and noticed, to my utter delight, that the bathroom was that much brighter today than it was yesterday.  The sun, though not yet over the horizon, was lighting the sky in preparation for its arrival. 

 

My heart and spirits lifted; my smile a little brighter. 

 

The days are getting longer, and that is something to celebrate.

 

I am saying good-bye to January on a good note.  Despite the turmoil that my little family has endured, I think that we are going to enter February with a renewed sense of hope and vitality.  We have plans; we are ready to take another step into the new year.  

 

In the past 31 days, I saw proof of the quality of the people I call friends.  They stepped up to the plate and, without hesitation, declared their love and commitment to the Diva - eliminating her worries about having no one if something happens to me and warming my heart.  Everyone needs such people in their lives.  

 

I received paperwork that illustrated, in quantitative terms (I am a qualitative person so... the numbers were a bit beyond me and the bar graph... I didn't even try) just how amazing my daughter is given the adversity and challenges that she faces.  She, without trying, makes me look like a great parent... and I now have quantitative proof as to why this barely 8 year old child, is my hero.  (Not that I needed proof!!)  

 

I loved the look and the feel of the bright blue sky and the welcome morning sun as I walked to work this morning.  I even stopped to get coffee on my way in to enjoy its look and feel that much longer.  

 

I know that there are 50 more days of winter, and yes, there is a storm coming in tonight that will hide the sun from view tomorrow... but for me, for today... I am hanging on to the lightness I felt as I noticed the shower getting lighter.  I grasp tightly to all that I have discovered anew in January and let the turmoil slide into the past.  

 

I wrap myself in my rainbow colored pashmina and revel in its warmth and vitality.  

 

I am ready for February to begin.