Face Value

"Your body is like a playground," a male friend recently told me as we discussed the lack of male attention I believe I don't receive.  I can't argue with his statement as it is what it is and, well, what my body looks like is largely left to the imagination of he who chooses to examine it.  So, men might think that my body is amazing.  It is my face that gives them pause. 

 

Childhood is a period of poignant memories.  It always surprises me how a phrase or an action from this period of my life stings so years after the fact. 

 

My freshman year at very small town high school, I attended a dance.  No big deal, right?  I hated dances, just for the record.  One of the cuter guys in the class above mine came up from behind me and commented on my hair - a nice comment.  And then... I turned around. 

 

I remember the look and the "oh" and him making his way to another part of  the room. 

 

Ah, the face!

 

Now, in retrospect, it could have been any one of a number of things that caused the reaction.  The fact that He didn't realize who I was from the back and then knew me when I turned around.  The fact that we had gone to school together for years so this girl with the nice hair was actually no one new.  Who knows what goes through a 15 year old guy's brain in such a situation. 

 

I know what went through mine though - "Nature didn't give you such a beautiful face..."

 

The face is an interesting part of the body.  We can hide it with make-up and change its appearance slightly through hair style, but the face, the over all face, is something that is ours for life lacking complete constructive surgery. 

 

Some do reconstruct their face.  For some, a simple nose job does wonders, while others lift and tuck and inflate... it is all skin deep and all face value... and it does matter so very much. 

 

For me, changing my face is not an option.  It is, after all, my face.  I am the first to admit that it is just a face and doesn't deter from who I am.  Sure, it is the first thing people see... but, it is a part of me.  And it is, unlike other faces, a package deal.  I can't change one feature without the whole thing looking odd.  (Thankfully, the Diva was blessed with a softer version)

 

Generations of my family survived and thrived with similar versions of this same face.  The features have endured and speak loudly of my tribal (European that is) roots.  It is an open and friendly face, always on the verge of a smile.  It is a trustworthy face - one that doesn't reveal secrets.  It is a face that suggests that there is so much more lying beneath the surface for those who care to look (or don't). 

 

And yet, it is a face that I sometimes question.  As I said, I wouldn't change it, but I do wonder if it is the Achilles heel of my body?  I wonder how differently I would be perceived were I to have a face that matched the "playground" of a body I seem to have?