I hate games.
My ideal world is one in which men and women can openly and honestly state their intentions and desires without being judged or causing hurt feelings. No one fears rejection because, well, we all are adults and fully understand and/or accept that we want different things and are attracted to different people.
There are no games!!
Yet, I live in a world where there are games. Women are the ones accused of playing said games, but often, I think it is men who are guilty of this more than anyone else.
Yep, men! It might be part of the hunter mentality. The fun is in the challenge of finding, tracking, and obtaining the prey. The fun is, possibly, in the game?
"I am a great kisser," I commented to a guy a few years ago in a flirtatious move.
"How do you know?"
There are various ways I know - I just know, just as I know I am great at lots of other things, but I responded "Because a guy told me."
"Ah, he just wanted to get laid."
Games men, these are games!!
I agree, they are not the games that many women play, but they are games all the same. When you say something with the sole intent to get laid, that is a game!
Or there is this one...
"I am looking for an FWB," I say with complete honesty. Not marriage, not a relationship, but a friendship with benefits. The benefits are so much better with the friendship and, I really like having guy friends.
"Me too," he says while typing with one hand.
But when push comes to shove... for him it is all about the benefits while I am more about the friendship! These guys just don't get it. They have not yet learned how a woman (or this woman) become so much more sexual with friendship and intimacy - and no, I do not mean a relationship that is anything more than an honest friendship.
Women, on the other hand, play different games. This is the one that I hear about most.
"Women want more than just a FWB relationship. They want to get married or have a relationship."
"Not all women. I am not one of those women." I say this with complete honesty. I am not one of those women whose life will not be complete if I never marry. Marriage is a nice option but... I am not living my life to marry. I can find enrichment and partnership without a ring, thank you very much.
But do men believe this when I tell them, no. They have heard the same before and find themselves entangled in an emotional relationship that they didn't want and thought they weren't going to have to deal with. They think I am playing a game.
These are a few examples of why I hate games. I love to flirt; I love the banter; and I love the fun that I can have with a man. That said, I do not enjoy the games that men and women play in the slightest. To me, the games detract from the fun and the excitement; they are just not me.
Perhaps I don't like them because I can't play them? I never mastered the techniques required to participate in them. And, perhaps, in this as in so many other aspects of male/female relations, I am an exception. Give me a man as devoted to honesty and fun as I am... and who does not play games, and then... let the fun begin!
11 comments:
If you are a woman looking for a FWB, you hold all the cards and can call all the shots. You say "jump" and they say, "how high?" Give me an hour, and I can find a hundred men who want to find a FWB. I can find maybe one woman.
Women think men are playing games, so when they find one who isn't, they don't trust him. Same goes for men who find a woman who's not playing.
You just have fun. Fun, fun, fun! And make all the rules. Eventually, you will find a man who you are willing to throw out the rule book for.
Teri - Fun, Fun, Fun... sounds nice!
Interesting. I like the idea of FWB, but I also think it can backfire, especially for people like me who tend to get attached too easily.
But I'm with you on the games. They suck.
I was writing an email at work last week and a this thought struck me. We have to be so diplomatic in all our communications that we can no longer really communicate.
Love the idea of being with someone for more than just sex. You can have sex and go out and explore the world to have lots of other non-sex experiences with. Someone you can openly communicate with without breaking some courting rule. Someone you don't have to try and impress every second or they walk away.
One of the problems I find is that most people, including me, are pretty attention/touch starved. They may say or agree to anything just to have physical contact. It can be pretty hard to be open, honest, and truthful when you're trying so hard to fill that physical void. You have someone that is responding and you don't really want to lose that. Most people can't or won't walk away from it. When people have to choose being alone for the right reasons or being with someone for the wrong ones, many choose to not be alone.
Lisa - We are all different. I get attached as friends but can let the sex go.
I wonder if the process would be fun without games? (Annoying as they are)
CCD - Your thought on communication is interesting. I find times when I probably should watch my words or just shut my mouth because I know that something in what I say is going to block the message I am attempting to communicate. Of course, I have not yet learned to do this! ;)
I think that such a relationship is possible, especially the older I get. I would agree that people like to take the easy road. If only there were a happy median!
A guy drops some truth on you and you accuse him of playing a game? haha
Wow. Amen. I love this post.
I too hate games. I am completely honest, whether people want to hear it or not.
I'd like to say I want a FWB but I've tried that and someone gets attached and then the friendship is at risk. Like you, although I like the sex, I value the friendship more.
I just know myself well enough to know that I want a connection, a real honest-to-goodness relationship, with LOTS of sex, trust, communication and honesty. Marriage? Well, we'll see what happens. I am in no hurry. But it would be nice to enjoy that companionship again, where you can be yourself and not have to play games at all.
Flirting isn't a game?
T - That is exactly what I want too. I call it an FWB because it is a relationship that doesn't require marriage. (For lack of a better term that is!)
Dave - Flirting is fun - games are not.
This one gets my juices going…
Not all of us want to play games. They just occur as we try to get what we want. The “I” factor. I’ll admit I have manipulated a situation or two to get the outcome I desire… However it all goes back to expectations and communication. I seek women who know what they want and are not afraid to tell me. Half the problem is feeling secure enough to be vulnerable to really open up… the other half is knowing what you want and communicating it.
Women have all the power. You want a guy to want you more than just for sex? Then make him prove it through actions. Find intimacy without sex…get him to connect on a deeper level… - oh darn, that wouldn’t be as fun or provide the instant gratification we often seek.
Marriage used to mean commitment and devotion. Vows taken to show these things for another…well as we all know too well, our words mean nothing these days. I agree E…we can have an enriched life with another without marriage…however I feel that marriage means that person is willing to commit…to fight for me and not just walk away on a whim.
Aaron - Actually, the guy didn't know what he wanted, thus the post!
Just a Man - I totally agree with your idea of marriage. I do think that people can enjoy that kind of commitment and intimacy with marriage though. Definitely not against it here, but not living life with marriage as the only means of finding happiness. Relationships come in so many different forms.
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