Having My Cake And Eating It Too

The Diva wants a Buche de Noel for her birthday cake.  They are fairly easy to find in the DC area during the holiday season, so I didn't think twice about promising that she could have this cake.  I mean, they are in DC, Phoenix will have them too, no? 

After promising her this cake, I decided I probably needed to find a bakery to make it.  And that is where the trouble began.  Apparently the economy in Phoenix is a bit worse than it is here.  Bakeries are closing right and left as people are not treating themselves to baked delights.  Add to this that The Phoenix area is not as much European in heritage as it is Hispanic - finding a French Christmas pastry turned out to be a challenge. 

After Google, about 5 phone calls to different bakeries, and a few notes to friends in the area, I finally found a bakery that would be making Buche de Noel this holiday season.  I am sure that man on the phone thought I was nuts as I gushed with joy and offered to order it right now, today, this very minute!

And then I received the e-mail.  The e-mail that parents hate to receive.  The one that can put a note of guilt in even the most secure parent's heart. 

Why don't you make the cake with the Diva after you get to your parents.  It will be a treat for her to do it with you. 

*sigh*

I am sure that the Diva would love to bake her cake with me just as I am sure I would love the challenge of baking this cake.  The truth is that I never bake her birthday cake.  My mom never baked my birthday cake.  We are a family of bought birthday cakes!

Okay, so I could break the tradition of bought cakes but... I don't want to.  The Diva and I will spend a half day of our normal lives before flying, through Chicago cross country.  We will arrive fairly late and be exhausted.  We will wake early on her birthday, due to time changes, and then do a fun brunch before hopping in the car for a 200 mile road trip.  At this point, my friend would like me to make a cake before we do birthday dinner.  I am not sure that the reality of our travel is fully realized as she knows we will then hop in the car the next morning for another 200 mile road trip.  The only relaxation we will have are those few hours between arrival and dinner and return to road trip!

I could take those few hours to bake a cake.  Yes, I could do that, and I would like to bake her cake.  There is that part of my heart that would like to be the mom that bakes the birthday cakes as my SIL does.  Between Christmas brunch and after all the unwrapping of the presents, she bakes her son's birthday cake and decorates it sometime before their late Christmas dinner. 

I am, however, not that woman or that mom.  At some point I learned my limits.  I figured out the things that I can do as a parent and the things that it is best not for me to do.  Those are the things that add stress to my life; adding stress to a time and a day that doesn't need stress. 

It would be fun to bake the cake together, but it would also be fun to play a game, walk the dog, build a snowman, or simply relax and spend time together without doing something together directly (we will have been together a lot!)

My friend's statement reminded me of the reasons why I choose as I do.  One little statement had me shaking my head and remembering all the times I tried to cram so much into a little time; the times I tried to do it all rather than use the resources available.  Some moms, like my friend and my SIL, would not think it okay to buy a cake.  For them, making that cake is important.  I salute them and moms like them!  For me, that bakery down the street works perfectly well and allows me to relax and laugh and spend time with my daughter on her birthday. 

Here's to parents with lots of different priorities and choices, to bakeries that will make Buche de Noel this season, and to the lessons I have learned (and am learning) about time and limitations - and coming to terms with choices and being okay with them!