18 November, 2008

Morning Contemplation

I stood, brushing my teeth, before the bathroom mirror.

“I don’t look like a mom.”  This was the thought that went through my head, and then I wondered what I meant.

What does a mom look like? 

I am not sure what a mom looks like, or if there is a “mom” look, but if there is, I don’t think it is me.

I have friends that look like “mom.”  It isn’t that they are wearing clothes sporting baby spit or carrying the latest diaper tote on one shoulder with a baby on the other.  It is just that there is something about them that says “mom.” 

Perhaps it is that this is how they define themselves above and beyond anything else.  They are, in their own minds, a mom.  Although I am a mom, I do not identify myself with this role primarily.  (That sounds weird, but it is true.)  First I am a woman – a woman who happens to be a mom in addition to other things.  But maybe that isn’t exactly correct.  I define myself as me, The Exception, who happens to be a woman and a mom…

I have friends that identify themselves solely as mothers.  Their lives revolve around their kids, which is exactly the way they want it.  It isn’t that they aren’t people beyond the time they spend with their kids.  They are.  It is just that their role as parent is priority. 

I know other mothers who strive to find their own existence as they are caught between the schedules of their children and their spouses.  Continually running from work to event to the house to do all that is needed, they are always on the go.  And yet, when I sit and chat with these friends, they define themselves as women first and foremost as well. 

With this in mind, I consider the friends I have that are men and dads.  To be honest, I don’t know that I could, if I didn’t know better, pick one of them out and say “That’s a dad.”  This doesn’t mean that they are not dads or that they aren’t great dads.  Perhaps it is just that they define themselves as men or professionals or whatever over their role as dad.

I finished brushing my teeth still not feeling as if I look like a mom, but then again, maybe we all do and don’t from time to time.  Mothers and fathers come in so many different shapes and sizes.  Who is to say what a “mom” looks like!!


mama llama said...

That is really funny, TE. When out BY MYSELF on Saturday, basking in the balmy weather, I was well aware of the fact that, without my children flanking each side, I have no way of identifying myself to others as a mother. Although I know I need to start to revel in the ME, in my identity as the mahvelous llama I am, I feel at such a loss without my silent identifiers next to me...the ones that tell the world "I have the greatest job in the world, I am strong, I am good...look at this beauty I have brought to this world!" Unless I'm teaching or with others who know me and my status as a mother, I feel lost without them. I feel like people look at me wondering, "What's her story? She's alone."


Thanks for allowing me to air my parallel contemplations as well, TE. Be well, and keep warm!

T said...

Interesting thoughts from both you and Mama Llama.

I agree with her that when I'm out on my own, I think people assume I'm just some single girl looking for fun or to find a man. I too carry myself differently when I'm with my girls than when I'm not.

I can remember when I had lost me, during that last year of my marriage and possibly even before when I only wanted to have another baby after my miscarriage. I felt like only a mom. Not a wife. Not a daughter. Not a friend. Not a person. I was only mom. And yes, though it is a glorious job to have, I was so very lost.

It does feel good to have ME back!

Maybe you don't always look like a mom because you are truly a MILF?! *hee hee*

dadshouse said...

Wait - you're not out on your driveway in a bathrobe with curlers in your hair? Lol. That was the quintessential look of one mom on my street growing up. We KNEW she was a mom.

I think moms (even many single moms) tend to not carry sexy-ness around like single women do. It's like the moms are thinking of their kids first, and putting their kind, sweet, nurturing energy out into the world, and hiding their sexual energy. That's how I tell them apart.

Truth Is A Weapon said...

I think mothers should always feel sexy because, regardless, of appearance what they do makes them powerful and that is beautiful.

mama llama said...

True, Truth, but it always amazes me how intrinsic in our nature our sexuality is just to be mothers...and yet our sexiness can be so easily taken away just because of the fact that we are mothers...

Be well.

The Exception said...

I have a feeling that there is much more to be said on this kind of topic... maybe even by me later this week! ;)

Welcome Truth... and yes, mother's are sexy, but often that is lost in the reality that we are moms. Sometimes we lose it ourselves while other times people don't see it as they see only the mom. We, as people, often see only what we expect to see over what is truly before us.

The Exception said...

T - Me, a MILF... I am still trying to figure out what exactly that means!!

DH - I don't wear the robe etc... I just run around braless in a tank and boy shorts - the modern mom!

Ms Llama - You can take over here any time... vent away as your thoughts are always welcome!