Waiting for the Other Shoe

There is a time for everything – a time for action and a time to sit back and be… right?

It is the sitting back and waiting that causes me angst.  I am much better at it than I used to be.  I am patient and only slightly agitated at times over being the “must, have, action, now” person of a decade ago.  I realize that I can’t hurry things or rush them; that they are going to happen on their own time anyway. 

I also realize that there are some things that I can do.  There are some things that are about me making choices and acting in one way or another.  The trick is learning to know when action is required, what action needs to be taken, and when it is best to be patient and see what develops. 

For the most part, I am a pro active person.  I know when the time is right to move.  The situation presents itself and I am all over it.  If my head starts to fill with endless complaints, I need to remember why I am where I am or change, move, make something happen. 

Pro-active…that’s me. 

Pro-active is not my job.  My dream job involved taking action to prevent negative events and movements.  It was a profession that fit my personality to a tee – considering outcomes, evaluating factors, and creating long term solutions or possible solutions.  My current profession asks that I examine the situation after something has happened – react to an event.  The idea leaves me all squinted up inside. 

There are people that are great at reacting to a catalyst.  They are comfortable in that role.  These are people that just think different than do I… and sometimes they frustrate me just as I frustrate them.  Just two different people seeing the world in two very different ways. 

With my pro-active nature in mind, it surprises me and loads of others that I continue to stay where I am.   People might hear me say “I need a happy job; a job that brings joy to people.”  Or “I need change.”  Or “I need to find something new.”  Yet I don’t move.  I don’t update my résumé because to do so would be a commitment to find something new in my mind.  To look for a new job means to find a new job – and I am not yet ready for that move. 

“You don’t know what else is out there unless you update your résumé and let the opportunities in” a friend recently told me. 

I agree with her 100%.  Yet, once I update and start looking, a new job will come.  Will that new job have the flexibility I want?  Will it allow me to be the involved parent that I want to be?  Will I have the freedom to enjoy the occasional “lunch”?  These are important questions that I ask myself. 

The Department of Commerce sends me a survey every year to learn about my employment changes and education levels. 

“Why do you stay with your current job outside your chosen field?”  Family, pure and simple.  The reason is for family. 

Every so often I go through the process of complaining in my head.  I am not professionally satisfied.  I want something different.  I want challenge and a dynamic work environment.  I want to be pro-active and make a difference.  This year I added that I want to bring joy to people to the list. 

And one day, one day in the near future, I will update that résumé and I will find another job, and it will happen when my daughter and I are ready for that change.  I will be pro-active once again. 

Until then, I wait, sometimes patiently sometimes not so patiently, to see what might happen next.  I am learning what it is like waiting for the other shoe to drop over being the person that is one step ahead of said shoe.