Of late I am at a loss for words. My ideas are half baked. I write two or three paragraphs only to have no idea how to finish the thoughts.
I am not quite sure if I would go so far as to call it that. There is lots I could write about; but, my heart is not ready to let go and write. I am not ready to put word to paper. I am not really sure I am ready to process all that is happening.
It seems that my attention is focused inward. I am a tad absent minded, my word games scores are… well, reflective of my mental absence to put it mildly, and I find myself wanting to surround myself with quiet.
The past is resurfacing. Issues that I attempted to work through 10 years ago are again topics of conversation. Again I am having to accept and let go trusting that love will, in the end (at least in my life and house) prevail. They aren’t my choices; they were never really my choices, but the outcome has a direct impact on my daughter.
I wait. We wait. Waiting, to be honest, is so not my strong suit. Like my daughter, I am a person of action – and now we must wait for others to make choices and for the light to shine so that we can see the path that lies ahead.
I crave a hug, a gentle touch, a good laugh or a good cry. I search for the balance that will provide my daughter and my home the stability it needs. I work toward patience – the patience required to allow life to unfold as it will at this time. All this while the foundations of my life fill my thoughts – honesty, integrity, love, respect, acceptance, belief, accountability…