21 May, 2009

Expectations

When I parent, I parent from the heart.  It is all about instinct and intuition with the idea that this is a child with a life all her own.  My job is love and support and providing the foundation from which she can grow and build her dreams and live her life.  

Pretty straight forward.  Not so complicated in execution.  Yet, yesterday I found myself in tears of frustration as I once again had to come to terms with the reality that my expectations of myself, as a parent, are just unrealistic.  

First, I can not, in any way shape or form, pretend to be able to work and be a stay at home mom all in one!!  People, it just doesn’t work.  I don’t have the patience or the ability to truly be a good stay at home mom (and I wouldn’t want to torture my daughter with my attempt to do so) and working… well, working happens to take up quite a bit of my time.  I just can’t do both… but do I try?  Of course.  

Second – I can’t see.  It is that simple.  I am unable to do many things with my daughter because I can’t see to do them.  Yes, this means she does not have the exposure that her peers have in this and that area, but it also means that she has strengths in areas that they don’t or might not have in others.  But I can’t expect myself to be a sighted parent when I, just, am, not!!  When we first realized that this was creating a slight but noticeable weakness, someone stepped in to help.  That help is no longer available so… it is just me expecting myself to see and then feeling amazingly sad and frustrated when I can’t.  *sigh*

Lastly – I am simply not capable of being a mom and a dad!!  (I know, this is shocking to you as it is to be but…)  I just can’t do it.  My daughter insists that she loves it being the two of us and that I am not to marry and she is not to have kids living in my house other than her.  She is such a sweet kid!  It matters to me though.  I want to be able to be everything and to give her the foundation and the background she needs to fulfill her dreams.  I want her to have the advantages over being a high risk kid simply because her dad isn’t around…

Having one parent only shouldn’t make a kid high risk… but the studies indicate the contrary.  I dislike that completely.  

When I typed to a friend about this yesterday, she reminded me to look at my expectations.  They need to be based upon the reality of the situation – the person that I am over the person that I would like to be.

I am working on it.  I have very realistic expectations for my daughter – that she is honest, compassionate, doesn’t live in a glass house, that she lives fully and with integrity, and that she laughs at every moment possible while she enjoys her life.  

I have realistic expectations for my friends.  

Why is it that I expect myself to be able to do it all 365 days of the year and 24 hours a day – especially when it comes to being a parent to my daughter?

7 comments:

dadshouse said...

You don't have to be a mom and dad! Just be a great mom, like you're already doing. Nothing more can be expected than that.

Love the first paragraph of this post, btw. Etch that advice in marble!

SingleParentPlus2 said...

You write beautifully. Your daughter is lucky to have a mother that cares so much about her. Your being way too hard on yourself.

T said...

Oh honey, its because we want the best for them. What we forget is that we're offering our best to them all the time.

But our best looks different every day.

Hang in there. You are raising an amazing child. And I think you know that.

TAG said...

Exceptional Lady,

You have the one thing for which there is no substitution.

As a parent (and a lady) you have that one most essential quality.

There are challenges that can be overcome by compensating in other areas.

Then there is that one thing that no amount of other things can overcome.

You have this thing in great quantities. Well, it is not a thing at all. It is that you care.

It is natural for us to worry about our children. I don't worry about your Diva. She will be fine as the lucky daughter of a mother who cares deeply.

Wenchy said...

Being a parent is so incredibly hard.

Mike said...

Each parent brings something to the table of parenting. You do a great job for your part and no one expects you to do more except you.

The Exception said...

Thanks everyone!! It is hard but reading all this support helps!!