18 May, 2009

It's Holding On & Letting Go

The holding on part of love is easy.  It is the protecting, the nurturing, and keeping the loved one safe.  It is the letting go that is most challenging.

I am often heard telling an expecting parent that once the chord is cut, parenting is a process of letting go.  Which it is.  We have to learn to trust our kids and our raising of them; we have to learn to let them make mistakes and learn; and we have to let them try their wings so that they can fly. 

Love and letting go apply to more than just our kids.  They apply to any relationship and every relationship to some extent. 

Letting my daughter live and learn to fly is, to date, much easier than letting go and detaching from a beloved friend.  Crazy?  Possibly, but true. 

My daughter is a child.  I realize that the best way for me to teach her and to protect her is by… letting go.  A friend, well, a friend is very different.  With a friend I am usually detached.  Each has a path to follow and a life to live – I can support that 100%.  It is when I   am more attached that the challenges comes.  It is when I see so much in them and believe so much in their dreams that I… have issues.  

It is when I believe in that person more than they believe in themselves. 

It is when I believe them to be worth the sky and the moon and so much more; and they don’t believe that they are worth all that. 

It is when I am supporting their dreams and the risks involved; and they are wanting only to be safe and secure – believing that what they have right here and right now is not what they really want but… it is as good as it gets.

It is not that I want to make choices for them or that I want to be “right.”  It is that I love my friends.  It is that I want so badly for them to live an inspired life; to take the risks and explore the possibilities; and to live with integrity.  It is that I want them to make choices based on all that they are and all that they can be and from … love over fear.  

Yet, their path is not mine; their life is not mine to live.  I have to remind myself that… 

Letting go is what love does. 

Love says – “I love you” and detaches.

Love is there; it is felt, but it does not own or have material value.  It does not ask for change or conformity.  Love just is.    





1 comment:

dadshouse said...

Great post. Letting go is a wonderful thing, and sometimes not that easy. We also have to learn to let go of our own barriers. Sometimes we are the ones who could rise to great things if we'd only allow ourselves to take risks and burn bright!

One thing about letting go with kids - part of what makes it easier is their growth. Over time, either they want to do things on their own, or we as parents get tired of them not doing it on their own. Letting go is a natural part of growing up.