A few days ago TAG commented that I might be afraid of not being a good parent. I have had to think about this one a lot. Events in my life of late have me very concerned about my daughter, her emotional health, and her future. My feelings are quite protective in nature as I want to protect her. I want to control the situation such that she is safe from being hurt or having her heart broken. I want to keep her from feeling pain.
A friend reminded me, not so subtly that I can’t protect her from these things. I need to let her live her life and trust that she is going to be okay. I need to stop focusing on the fear I have of the actions and feelings and potential pain and… let go!!
I need to take my hands off the wheel. I need to stop living in my emotions and return to the analyst perspective that is all business and detached emotions. I need to do this for me, but also for my daughter. Am I hurting, yes… Am I sad… yes, but I need to deal with my own emotions and expectations and let her travel her path… not mine!!
(This doesn’t mean repress my feelings as I need to deal with them, but it means stop living in them and using them as my motivation)
So I am looking for things to remind me to take my hands off the wheel. Songs to sing, poems to recite, mantras to fill my head whenever I feel the urge to attempt to control the situation.
I need laughter and the strength to remember that my kid is truly and honestly going to be okay. She is going to dance in Italy one day and I will be right there with her!! She is going to touch the world as only she can.
I am working on it; I swear. I know, in my heart of hearts, that my daughter is a survivor. She is an amazing, loving, compassionate kid who is all about love and adventure and that she possesses an amazingly strong spirit and heart. She honestly doesn’t need my protection as much as she needs me to let her go and support her with hugs and consistent love!
I am taking my hands off the wheel. I am working on trust and faith.
And I am looking for theme songs!! Please send suggestions. Don’t be shy!!