02 June, 2009

hands Off

A few days ago TAG commented that I might be afraid of not being a good parent.  I  have had to think about this one a lot.  Events in my life of late have me very concerned about my daughter, her emotional health, and her future.  My feelings are quite protective in nature as I want to protect her.  I want to control the situation such that she is safe from being hurt or having her heart broken.  I want to keep her from feeling pain. 

A friend reminded me, not so subtly that I can’t protect her from these things.  I need to let her live her life and trust that she is going to be okay.  I need to stop focusing on the fear I have of the actions and feelings  and potential pain and… let go!!

I need to take my hands off the wheel.  I need to stop living in my emotions and return to the analyst perspective that is all business and detached  emotions.  I need to do this for me, but also for my daughter.  Am I hurting, yes… Am I sad… yes, but I need to deal with my own emotions and expectations and let her travel her path… not mine!!

(This doesn’t mean repress my feelings as I need to deal with them, but it means stop living in them and using them as my motivation)

So I am looking for things to remind me to take my hands off the wheel.  Songs to sing, poems to recite, mantras to fill my head whenever I feel the urge to attempt to control the situation. 

I need laughter and the strength to remember that my kid is truly and honestly going to be okay.  She is going to dance in Italy one day and I will be right there with her!!  She is going to touch the world as only she can. 

I am working on it; I swear.  I know, in my heart of hearts, that my daughter is a survivor.  She is an amazing, loving, compassionate kid who is all about love and adventure and that she possesses an amazingly strong spirit and heart.  She honestly doesn’t need my protection as much as she needs me to let her go and support her with hugs and consistent love!

I am taking my hands off the wheel.  I am working on trust and faith. 

And I am looking for theme songs!!  Please send suggestions.  Don’t be shy!!


TAG said...

I wondered if what I said made some sense.

As for letting go, I've observed that letting our children be their own person and live their own lives is the toughest task a parent faces. It is natural instinct to want to shelter them. It hurts us just as much as it hurts them to see them go through those growing pains.

Some choose to shelter their children from every bump, bruise and scrape. There is a fine line between too much protection and not enough.

From what I can see, you do a fine job. Try not to stress out so much. Just relax and do the best you can. It seems you've done a fine job to this point.


SingleParentPlus2 said...

Since you asked, so nicely, I'm going to give you my most honest and direct comment.

I read, alot on, and practice manifestation. I am a huge fan of the mantra,"we manifest our daily lives - good and bad." Alot of people would disagree and I doubt I would win anyone over but, it's true. If you constantly dwell on the negative that is exactly what you'll get.

If you build a house under a tree, then expect a life in the shade.

It doesn't matter that you say to yourself you don't want to lose your job or fall down the stairs or gain 50 fifty pounds - if you dwell on those negative thoughts then that is what you'll get.

You have to dwell on the positive and accept every bump in the road as your own.

I lost my job a while back. Guess what? The last six months on the job all I kept telling myself was, "I think I'm next and the next one will probably me." Well, I got what I wished for. It didn't matter the result I wanted; I was manifesting negative thoughts.

I struggled for 2 1/2 years to get my kids, and when I finally do, I lose my job! I manifested it.

I also told myself for over 2 years I would get full custody of my kids, I envisioned it, welcomed it and eventually - it happened.

Good and bad. Your life is your own and only you can make it happen either way.

Mariposa said...

Heck, your theme song for today would be "Let It Be..."....per our conversations, quite apropos, no? :)

There comes a time that we have to let them fly. Such a minor thing, really, but a friend who has a son in our children's general age group who wants to grow his hair out long. She compromised on the front with the bangs part gelled out of the face. The father is fighting this, saying that his son needs short hair, period. She maintains that he is just becoming his own person and that he needs to start feeling autonomy.

Hey, if hair is all that is about, they have nothing to worry about.

dadshouse said...

It's hard to let go. But letting go empowers your kids to find themselves, trust their ability to chose, and build self esteem. And they probably won't do it in the way you wanted or expected!