22 July, 2009

Is It Learned?

The pursuit of happiness…

I look around me at friends and family and know that, for each, I want happiness.  I celebrate their accomplishments, recognize the challenges, and support the risks that they are taking in their pursuit of happiness. 

It is easy and fun!  It is just about listening and cheering and supporting.  I have nothing to lose in supporting loved ones 100%.  When they win – my heart soars… and they win each time they search their soul and actively make a choice from love. 

It all sounds so very easy until the friend comes along with a fear of happiness or a fear of reaching for the heights because, well, what if he or she can’t reach that high?  What if he or she… falls?  Or it is the friend that is simply and totally sure that the life lived is actually as good as it gets regardless of experiences and loved ones or their heart indicating otherwise.

It is challenging for me when I believe in someone and all that they are inside – all the love that they have and the dreams they desire… more than they do themselves.

I find myself wondering how I can see the amazing love and fabulousness of these friends when they can not?  How is it that these friends are more  willing to stay in a situation in which they admit they are not happy rather than moving, changing, and dreaming… taking a risk to enrich their lives and, perhaps, be happy?

Detach.  I continually remind myself to detach.  Each person lives their own life; each travels their own path.  So what if they choose to not take the risks or to attempt to fulfill their dreams?  It is, after all, a choice that each makes. 

Eventually, with thought and time, I am able to detach.  I am able to love and be a friend in the only way I know how to be.  

I wonder though, as I look at my own daughter and her dreams and ability to take risks… I wonder, at some point, if her desire to live fully and with complete personal integrity will change?   I wonder if she will, at some point, believe it more important to be stable and in a known and comfortable environment than to make choices that involve risks?  The choices that are about her heart and her love of life over her fear of the unknown or the potential loss?

Is this fear learned?  Is it something that comes with adulthood and challenging experiences?  Is it just part of our individual personalities?

2 comments:

Mark said...

Oh, I believe this fear is learned. Fear is a learned response fueled by our ego. When we are in spirit, there is no fear for we know that all is exactly as it is supposed to be and that the concept of good and bad is a matter of perspective not a reality set in stone. Your daughter will go through the lessons that she needs to. One thing she has going for her is that she has you as a wonderful role model to help guide her along the way. She is blessed to have you as her Mom.

Grammie said...

Interesting take on a subject that I touched upon in my own blog.

Great posts...I will be back!