“You don’t honestly believe that?” comes the voice over the phone. I have just explained to her a disconnect between the way I am feeling and the line I am being asked to believe.
“I don’t know what to believe,” I explain. The words echoing through my head. “I wish I did know what to believe as that would set my mind at ease.”
My words reflect my current state of feeling torn; torn between two realities. I am simply not sure which is real some of the time.
Ah, this sounds more confusing than it is. More than 23 hours a day, I am sure that I live in the real world. I know where the ground is and feel my feet squarely planted. There is a bounce in my step as I consider the various options and opportunities that are presenting themselves. I love life and everything in it!
However, there are those moments when I feel a bit off kilter – when I feel torn. These moments often happen after a meeting or a conversation when I find myself questioning… me.
Perhaps it is the difference between the desire to believe and the hope that my intuition is incorrect and the realization, deep in side, that it is not.
In other words, I want so desprately to believe something I don’t believe to be true. Others want me to believe something that I believe not to be true.
Thankfully this sensation happens less and less frequently. I go with my gut; I trust my intuition; and I know reality when I feel it in my heart.
So why is it then that I want so badly to believe in something and a world and a story and a hope that just is not ringing true in my gut? Why is it that I truly want to be off base in this case?