We're never so vulnerable as when we trust someone, but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.
Walter AndersonFourteen months of lessons that, in some ways, have revolved around trust and the choice to trust or not.
Fourteen months which have included discovering acts of dishonesty; being asked to believe what I instinctually knew to be false; and changing stories omitted information, and words not matching actions.
Fourteen months in which I found myself wanting to believe in a fantasy world painted in idealistic colors all the while knowing when something looks or sounds too good to be true, it usually is.
Throughout this period I learned to trust myself again. I learned that I couldn’t trust the words I was hearing or the images being painted – I could trust my intuition. I could trust that time would find the truth standing tall and strong.
I learned to strip it all away and remember the underlying trust that I have for life.
Trust is a five letter word and yet – it is the core of the apple. Without trust, what does life look like and how can relationships flourish?
This July, the RAOKA theme was “Trust.” This July I have, in a sense, celebrated trust in myself – trusting my gut feeling and that little voice that speaks quietly but with conviction. Oh how far I have come since a year ago!
A year ago I was struggling to find truth, torn between what I heard, what I saw, and what I instinctually knew to be true. The three voices fought for my attention with the idealist in me attempting to over run everything else. Her voice rang with the desire to believe in the fantasies and the fiction. It didn’t take long for her tones to sound shallow while the strength and the resonance of my instincts and intuition continued their chants without breaking or wavering. The noise quieted and the truth – my trust in myself – emerged.
Today I stand – terra Fermi.
Today I recognize that one of my saving graces is trust. Despite the dishonesty and the lies and the omissions, I have trust in others. I can choose to trust others without hesitation. Moreover, I trust myself. Despite the events of the last year, I maintained a strong trust in life – that regardless of the events, my back was covered; that it is what it is meant to be.
All that said, I have also learned to choose to trust or not to trust – and that I can love another and elect not to trust them. I can accept them with the full realization that their words and actions speak different tongues. I can detach, release, and choose to trust or not to trust.
To trust or not to trust – to take the risk and let go or to hold on tightly and fain control…
I have seen trust boiled down to a process in which rules and restrictions are created and must be followed to establish or maintain trust. We can trust a bird will stay when we create a cage. Perhaps this does build trust?
I think of trust as letting the bird fly; releasing it to be what it is to be. It is accepting that I have no control over another – trusting as I trust the sun to rise and set.
Trust can be a scary thing. We want to hold on tightly to keep something with us or to maintain a situation because if we let go of the reins or take our hands off the wheel or let the bird out of the cage or remove the rules and restrictions…we face the unknown. It feels safe to have control – to see someone behaving as expected and we can think that this is trust… but is it?
For me, trust is the risk, trust is the reward, trust is the belief that whatever happens – it will be okay. I am not sure if you can build trust or rebuild trust; but, I am sure that you can choose to trust again and open your heart and just… jump. Trust is a leap of faith!
RAOKA is founded on the idea that we can do little things to make a difference. The little things in life, the little things that we all can do and do daily – like laughter, express passion, gratitude… These acts are noted by various people in accordance with a theme chosen each month. July's theme was TRUST; August's theme is Love!
For more information on participating and RAOKA, please contact Lori and Jane Be Nimble!!
Other posts on Trust for July's RAOKA: