This 3 letter word is the crux of my existence.
It is small; it is powerful; and it can open doors and allow opportunities beyond the imagination. It is a problem solver and a solution finder. “Why” is my word.
And it is the word that leaves me chasing my tail because, although there are some answers to the questions we ask – there aren’t always answers to those questions. It is those questions that have no answers or have answers that don’t make sense or answers that I am not given that can boggle my mind. “why?”
“Why do we choose not to choose the beauty?”
“Why do we choose to sell ourselves for comfort and security?”
“Why don’t we do what we love?”
“Why not take responsibility for ourselves and our choices?”
There are days when I accept that I don’t have the answers. There are days when I know that it is totally okay that I don’t “get it.” I can live and have a wonderful life without understanding everything.
And then there are the days when I have a full understanding that my life’s lesson is probably coming to understand and appreciate and even accept that I don’t have to ask the questions – there are questions that are not mine to ask or to answer.
My life’s lesson – the lesson that cycles through in differing forms like a reoccurring dream or like 2 February in the movie Groundhog Day. Same lesson, different day. And just when I think I have it mastered, the lesson will come in another form; a form that hits closer to home, as if the universe is saying “Are you sure you got it?”
It is the incomprehensible why…
I can’t count the number of times I have heard people say – there are no answers. Or something like – Accept it and move on…
And I do and then I don’t.
Asking questions was and remains part of who I am. I like stories; I like facts; and I like information that allows me to paint pictures or put puzzles together. Were I a cat, I am sure I would have lived beyond my nine lives by now as curiosity is part of my nature.
We encourage kids to ask questions, to seek information, to deduce and create solutions. We ask that people ask rather than assume…When I taught in Europe, I found it interesting that the children did not ask questions or seek information – they accepted what they heard and saw and learned as fact. So different than American students; so different than the child or the adult that I was and am. I drove my students crazy with my questions and my failure to tow the party line.
There is the line between the questions that have answers and those that need not to be asked. It is finding that line and learning to accept what is as it is and letting go with the recognition that we don’t need to understand…For me, that line is not always easy to find… but I am working on it. Were I to have the answers I want, and were I to understand that reasoning behind the questions that currently plague my mind, would it change anything? Would I be better off? Would it make a difference? The reality is that I most likely would not understand the reasons if I knew them – thus I would have more questions!
Why do people choose what they choose? Why do leaders and politicians and groups and people and parents choose as they do?
These are the incomprehensible why questions; these are the questions that I know are not about me and that I could only understand were I to put on their shoes and walk a few miles; or were I to see life through their eyes.
As Fall begins, I am releasing the desire to have answers to these questions; I am letting go and accepting that, despite my desire to have the answers… the answers are not to be had.