In October 2008 I wrote the below text and posted it. I have not looked at these words since their posting, so I found it interesting today to pull them up and read them. How my life has changed; how my life hasn't changed. I am, as then, a gardener; i have added my dreams to those that require nurturing and support. over the last few years, i have worked the soil and unearthed the obstacles that prohibited healthy growth. I have nurtured the seeds of those dreams with love and kindness; watered them with tears; and showered them with light and shade. As for the lover - perhaps he is closer than not.
The irony of the word as how this definition compares with the modern vernacular... there is no mention of sex..A lover is a gardener of sorts. A person who listens, nurtures, touches, believes, and provides warmth to support and facilitate growth and dreams.
The definition stated above touches my heart in a way that I seldom experience. While others seek marriage as a goal and a dream, I find myself seeking that lover. Sure, one can seek to marry that lover and that works too - and perhaps that is the ideal. But I am never sure why we are hung up on the notion of marriage and that legal commitment to one another. Is it possible to enjoy the level of commitment and companionship without being married? Is it possible to have that lover?
A lover is a believer.
Someone who listens to a dream or an idea or a creation and says "let's talk about it." or "Tell me more." They listen without judgment and never say "can't." or ridicule the idea or the notion. They foster the passions and the ideas.
I feel tears well into my eyes as I write. I know love; have experienced love in its unconditional forms, but I wonder if I would know this lover if I saw him?
One of the men in my life loves cooking. He is great at it. At one point, years ago, he thought about leaving his profession and starting again in culinary school. I believed in his dream; I supported his ideas and his passions 100%. I didn't have much money at the time, but would have financially backed him if I could. Instead, I had a closed checking account and blank checks from that account. I was prepared to financially back him, if only in spirit.
He elected not to take the chance, but should he open his cafe or market or whatever in the future... I am right there to back his dream.
My daughter speaks honestly when she says "Your dream is to support me in fulfilling my dreams." And it is. That is one of my dreams - to do what I can emotionally and financially to support her dreams, her creativity, and her passions. I believe she can reach the stars and am willing to do what I can to give her that (the work is up to her!)
I am a gardener.
I nurture seeds and provide the warmth and the heart that they need to grow and mature into beautiful plants or flowers or trees. I work the soil, attend to the weeds, and provide the best environment possible.
I am a lover in search of a lover under whose touch and nurturing touch I can dream and blossom, and grow.