Like It's the Last

A few years ago, there was a "Reader's Write" in The Sun Magazine that spoke to our lack of awareness of time - fully savoring each moment of life. I would love to share that with you, but I am currently located on the sidewalk waiting for my daughter to finish her ballet class.

The point of the essay was to live fully; to appreciate the time we have and flourish in the moment - with others, with ourselves, within nature... revel in the moment because it could really be the last.

Sometimes my thirteen year old will make a comment about enjoying watching the sunrise or noticing the significance of getting out of the house early and seeing a deer in the park - commenting that this moment is over and there will not be another in that it will not happen again.

She is thirteen; I am in my early forties and I am learning from her.

When it comes to my daughter, I do fully flourish in the moment. I take nothing for granted - from the moods of teen aged girl to her laughter, her insights, and her observations. These moments are precious. She will be just this part of thirteen once.

While I try and live as whole heartedly all the time, I am not always as successful. I get caught up in the world of work, of getting things done, of politics. While I am not busy living in the future; I am not sure that I am fully living in the moment either.

Of late, this awareness - this recognition of living fully is hitting home - or maybe I should say, it is hitting me at the office. Like most businesses, my office is transient People come and go, rotating out, changing positions, desks, contracts - there is a constant state of movement within our four walls. This is accepted and expected. it is not something that comes as as a surprised. While I have not changed positions yet, it isn't due to lack of offer but more a desire to absorb all I can for this short period of time. Which sounds somewhat odd given the turmoil that overwhelmed my work environment just a year ago. I stayed then for the professional growth that I knew I needed; I stay now for more personal reasons though the professional experience is still required and desired.

For the past few days, I have been caught between trying to name the situation in which I find myself thus allowing me to explain it to others - while fully realizing that there are no words; no labels; no means of defining something that is beyond illusive in my own mind. I know only that in this office, right now, I am learning more about myself than I have in a while. One could argue that I could be learning these same things in a different environment or in another job; that it is more about timing and where I am in life.

I would suggest that I could learn and grow elsewhere, but this learning experience is unique because I am learning about myself from someone who reflects very similar ideas, experiences, and notions as those in my history I am, in a sense, learning from myself.

That makes no sense and yet it makes perfect sense. i work with someone who echoes me without realizing that it is happening; I get to hear my own thoughts and words thrown back - and wow, if I can't learn from that? It is an experience that I can't fully describe and yet it is one that denies price and value. I have six months before we all move again - six months in which I want to savor every moment and each conversation because after six month... it all ends. Knowing that the time shared is finite leaves me aware and fully living in each moment.