I can not catch a thought long enough to write a coherent post today. I have lots of thoughts; they are like little kids playing tag through the playground that is my brain. I am having difficulty keeping up with them.
The main thread of my thoughts concern physical appearance. There have been several posts this week, that others have written, dealing with this topic. I wanted to delve into the ranking system that a few young staff members applied to the men in our office shortly after they started working. I learned of this exercise from a friend who happened to land at the bottom of their list. I think that he handled it better than I did simply because I believe that there is so much more to a person than the way they look - and he was a great example of this.
Human behavior fascinates me. I chatted with a guy, online, who was amazingly confident that he was the most attractive (physically) man I would ever meet. That sounds arrogant, when the way he talked about himself, it was more confident than arrogant. I find confidence attractive in itself. I kept looking at this guy's picture and thinking, "Am I missing something?" He just didn't appear to be the physically attractive guy he believed himself to be. This is not to say that the guy isn't attractive, he is, but not anything extraordinary. To date, I am not sure if he realized that the reason women found him so attractive was probably more his confidence and outgoing personality - that his personality was attractive - rather than his looks.
Growing up, there was never much focus put on physical appearance outside ensuring that we were dressed appropriately and were clean. I remember the first time my mom told me that I was attractive; it wasn't until I was in graduate school. Growing up in such an environment does not encourage a strong belief in one's looks. I grew up seriously not thinking about looks that much one way or another; but not being confident in the reality that I might actually look attractive. (This is probably where my idea that we are all walking brains in bodies developed)
That said, I am raising my daughter differently. Although we don't focus on her looks, she is confident that she is a beautiful kid - from the inside out. My raising her differently created a slight incident last Christmas as we sat with my grandmother looking at my daughter's picture.
I said "And who is that beautiful girl?" joking as we all knew who it was.
The diva said, "It's me" and smiled
My grandmother commented "I wouldn't say that she is beautiful."
The diva looked at me. I said something like, well, she is beautiful to me etc.
My grandmother is in her mid eighties, has not been mentally with it for the past three years, and doesn't consider what she is saying before she says it. And again, my family is not big on encouraging confidence in one's looks.
I could write about all of this as these are the thoughts chasing one another through my head, They are joined by the wrestling questions - where does physical appearance fit into our lives; what is attractive; and is attractive based on physical appearance or is there something more to it.
I could just write this:
I am a big fan of Friday afternoons.
When I first started in this office, friends encouraged me to take every other Friday off for time to myself. I did this for a while but found my house so empty and, well, it wasn't relaxing. Then, amazingly enough, I realized that Friday afternoons are actually my favorite time in the office!
Yes, I realize that this sounds odd, and it probably is, but Friday afternoons find me alone on my floor. No one calls. No one drops by. The work from the week is wrapped -up or is waiting until Monday. Most of my coworkers leave by noon, if they come in at all. What is there not to love about working on Fridays!
I think that I might start taking Mondays off instead.