25 July, 2007

More than a House

One of my dearest friends is moving from San Francisco to a new city. She is moving to be near family, friends, and because her little family can not live in her little, inexpensive, apartment type thing in San Francisco. She does not make enough money for anything larger and her husband doesn't work. So... they are moving.

They are moving this weekend.

"When is your last day of work?"
"Friday. I have so much to do. I am stressing out. I won't get all my work done. We are packing Friday when I get home and then leaving on Saturday. That is the plan."
"Wow" I was stunned.

For some people, moving is just one more thing to do. It is easy, takes little physical or emotional effort. It just gets done.

For me, the emotional issues associated with moving happen a few ekes before the move, so, when it is time to go, I am ready. The boxes are packed etc. Even then, it is something I do not like to do quickly; moving can not be "rushed." I like to be calm, be ready, and leave on a good note.

My friend hates change. She hates moving. We are not talking mere dislike. We are talking hate. If she never had to move or things didn't naturally change, she would be happy. And yet, here she is, moving from her home of 10 plus years to a new city, no job, rent, and doing it all in a rushed state of mind.

I have no idea how she is surviving.

She is a very heart/emotion driven person. She moved to SF just before she married. They had a great little apartment in Pacific Heights, she had a great job, and yet she had an unhappy marriage. When she divorced, she moved into this little house. It has been her home through some truly rough periods - her brothers sudden and accidental death, dealing with her mom's death from our college years, finding herself, meeting her current husband, bringing in a step-daughter, and finally having her child earlier this year.

She tells me "I've been keeping tears at bay for some time now. I know they will fall when we drive away. I just love it here and I love that little house. The compromise for what I want for my family and the life that is here is a hard one to swallow.".

She literally grew up in this house. She became a mother, a wife, a woman, and an adult. She will change more, but so much growth occurred within those four walls.

I love change, love moving, thrive on dynamic situations. Yet, I consider my office of a few years, my company of eight years, and my house of 6 years... and I think that I would have a difficult time leaving. There is simply so much of me, of the Diva, and of "us" that would be left behind. Of course, it wouldn't as it would live on in memory, but... Moving can be like leaving an old friend - you do it and look forward to the adventure and experience that awaits, but you feel sad and hold on that much more tightly to the shared memories.

15 comments:

justacoolcat said...

I don't like moving and yet we are looking at houses.

The Exception said...

JACC - I love looking at houses, but once I move, I am back to looking at houses! Moving is a challenge.

In my experience, cats aren't big fans of moving, even if they are "cool."

Leiselb said...

man my throat is constricting and I feel nauseous and anxious FOR her after reading this....as brave as she is this is going to be paaaaainful. You are a good friend to be there for her and help her along in the change....

Ryan said...

I wish my wife would let me not work...

I could stay home and pack stuff for our numerous moves.

It must have something to do with memories and sentimental value - I have never had a problem moving, but if I would now that I have a family and a real home.

I might understand what your friend is going through sometime.

Bre said...

I hate moving! I've done it too many times and I cry every time!

Scotty said...

I couldn't just pack up and leave in a day. First of all, I think I am too much of a planner. I would need to make sure all was taken care of. Plus, I think I have too much stuff to move in a day. Unless you helped of course.

JustRun said...

I hate the act of moving, for sure. But the change, that might not be so bad if it's right.

The Exception said...

LeiselB - I wish I could do more. I would happily do her work if it meant she would have the time to leave the way she wants to leave.

Ryan - Who knows, if you have another kid, maybe she will let you stay home and... well, "fix" the house in addition to caring for the child.

I think that it is difficult to pack up and say good-bye to the memories and the experiences that dwell within the air and fabric of the house. Once a house becomes a home, it is hard to leave.

Bre - I have cried each time too... but three or so weeks before I actually move.

Scotty - You are a type... A personality?! ;) Let me know when you are moving and I will help you get through it.

Just Run - I love the change as well. I am not sure it is as easy to love the change when you aren't truly sure you want it. I have never moved without wanting the move, so am not truly sure how it feels when the action is half hearted.

Scotty said...

With something like moving? Yes. As for an opposite of that, I often go to the movies having no idea what I am going to see until I get there and see whats playing next.

Beth said...

I hate moving. Not because of leaving the house, but because of packing. I am a huge packrat and moving all those things I saved is such a pain. I usually end up throwing things away and becoming sad later because I did it.

The Exception said...

Scotty - Nice to see that your life isn't overly scheduled - which leaves openings for you to take those reservations!

Beth - I am a pack rat as well. In this house I have very limited space so every few months I have to work through piles to throw things out. I never realized just how much paper can collect... this Diva creation and that drawing. There just isn't the space to keep it all.

Scotty said...

Yes, still waiting for the list..

The Exception said...

Scotty - There is a lot to note on said list. You didn't think it was just this and that, did you? It is a month's worth of physical labor!

a life uncommon said...

At least she has you through this difficult time... that is one constant that will be of help.

The Exception said...

ALU - I wish I could do more and hope that she is truly okay, in her heart, with this move.