There are various ways my child asks questions. She will ask questions in the midst of a conversation. Sometimes her questions are more statements to which she is seeking a response. Often she will simply ask a question, straight forward and directly addressing a point. And then there is the "I have a question..." which comes out of the blue and serves as a yield sign, slow down; take caution. One never knows what question will follow such a statement.
Lately I have fielded some questions that I have not truly been prepared to answer. The first in this line up was:
What is sex?
My practice is to take a minute in hopes of identifying the actual question that is being asked. Did she truly want to know what "sex" was or was she looking for an easy answer? Can I give an easy answer to the question without going into the reasons for, time to engage etc?
It's okay, she told me, I don't care. I didn't answer the question as quickly as she would have liked. Is it kissing while nude? I told her that was part of it. Okay she said, and the subject was dropped.
A few nights later she and I agreed that sex is what humans call mating.
She was completely satisfied with that answer.
The next question came a bit later:
What is it called when a married woman likes another woman?
Now this truly did require some investigation on my part. I have to be careful as I don't want to ask too many questions. Just enough to get the story behind the question.
Bottom-line on that one, she wanted to know what "gay" meant.
The Diva has been thinking a lot this summer I guess. Her brain has not been focused upon her school lessons or ballet. She has had time to consider her own life. She has also been reading a lot.
Other questions have surfaced about her dad. For these, I encourage her to ask him directly as I do not think it is fair or just for me to answer them. I can try, but I would prefer that they build a relationship in which she feels comfortable asking her questions and receiving his answers.
And the question of the day:
How old do you have to be before you can leave home?
Well, that depends...I explain that some people leave home at 18, others are younger and others are older.
When do you want to leave home?
When I am 25, but I will let you know when I am ready.
Ah questions...
I love questions. I love that the Diva feels comfortable asking questions and hope that she always will. I try to answer them with as much honesty as possible and using the information that she seeks - not going overboard with details or explanations.
But sometimes... the questions are truly a challenge to answer.
17 comments:
Once again, I'm amazed.
It's great she can ask you and get an answer she's satisfied with. I'll bet that will bode well for you both in the future.
Kissing while nude, eh?
As good a description as any.
I'm with JR - I think it's so great that you two have that kind of relationship where she can ask you anything... it might be a bit harrowing for you at times though!!
Just Run - Never a dull moment - which truly keeps my brain working!
Wombat - I am glad that she came up with that description as I had no clue what to tell her at that moment.
Ah the questions. If she knows she can ask you anything and you'll do your best to answer. Your doing great.
Bre - I hope the relationship can continue as long as possible.
Mike - I try to be as honest and direct with her as possible.
I really love that she feels comfortable enough to ask you questions about things that might make you uncomfortable, but for whatever reason, have yet to make her uncomfortable. I never felt that safety growing up-- I always had to figure it out on my own. It speaks to the environment you've created for your daughter and it seems like one without guilt, shame, or embarrassment. I'm impressed.
it's so nice that you two have this closeness now, while she's so young. she sounds like a real cutie.
Leisel - When I was pregnant I read Midwives. The mom was so down to earth and open with her daughter. I knew that was what I wanted to strive toward. So far, I have achieved what I wanted. That said, we have also had conversations about her not talking about this and that at school as other kids have different parents than does she. Not secrets but attempting to demonstrate the each family is different and their timing and ideas need to be respected as they respect ours.
Brookem - She is cute and a handful! If you ever want to baby-sit, just let me know! ;)
Can I hire you? To come into classrooms when I'm teaching and a child asks me what 'sexing' is, or who named God? Because I think you would do a much better job of answering!
You handled that sex one SO much better then I would have!!!
;-)
I think you are waaaaaaaaaaaaay over your head with the diva! Have you looked into the Indigo and Crystal children?????
Eck... All those questions would cause me to have a heart attack... And that would teach my kid to be curious! Good thinking on your feet tho!
GuyGM
And your advice WAS quite helpful...
P.S. if I do end up getting married and you are still curious about why that woman walked into a light pole I'll send you a picture on the night of my bachelor party...
Aw she sounds like a clever little lady and you sound like one good mummy!
Brandy - Most definitely... I will pop up to the wilds of Canada anytime you like. The subject is that much more difficult for teachers to deal with because who knows what the parents have said or want their kids to know!
Michael C - From what I just read, I think you are right! We will have to work on that... I will throw questions at you; you can practice answering them!
Teri - You think?!
GuyGM - The trick is to answer just the question that is being posed. If you make a big deal of something, they will think it is a big deal.
Guilty Secret - Thanks for dropping by. She is, at times, a bit beyond her years! She is a good kid though. I do my best and wing it when that doesn't work. ;)
Sounds like a plan!!!!! ;-)
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