Last week Wombat suggested "Women need to be needed."
My mind started spinning.
Is he serious? Do women truly need to be needed?
Perhaps it was that he selected words that didn't quite work with my understanding of needs?
This spring the Diva learned about "needs and wants" so I am pretty well versed in this subject matter. But, what, outside of air, food, water, and shelter do I need from a female perspective?
Do I need to be needed? The idea that we "Need" to be needed implies that we are needy. Needy is something that women do not want to be (due to past criticism). At least for me, I don't like needy men so can't imagine that a man would like a needy woman.
But do I "need" people? Relationships? Communication? Interaction?
Or - are these things I "want?"
Wombat wasn't specifically referring to the relationships between men and women, more the difference in priorities.
He suggests: "Men value close relationships, of course, but there is a difference between a close relationship and having a yearning or longing for such a thing. Needing to be needed implies an acknowledgement by both parties that another person has a special place for you in their heart. This strikes me as a female trait. Women's needs are about everything, as any man will tell you, so I'm certainly not precluding support and respect. I'm simply noting the difference of priorities."
Do I yearn for a close relationship? Do I place a higher priority on obtaining a close relationship than a man does?
Interestingly, "that guy" once told me that women view friendship differently than do men. Women need to communicate, keep in touch, chat, e-mail, whatever - they like to know what is going on. Men, on the other hand, do not need that communication. You do not see a guy in ages - when you get together, it is as if you saw one another yesterday. It is just different.
I can see that. I know that when I lose touch with a female friend, the friendship suffers if only just a little. I realize that she hasn't placed that friendship as something worth investing her time.
When I lose touch with a guy friend, I know I can drop him an e-mail, give him a call (and expect either of them in return) and nothing has changed. The friendship doesn't suffer in the slightest.
And this might not be what Wombat was talking about...
SO back to needs, do I seriously and honestly need that closeness?
I do think that, whether we like to admit it or not, we prefer to have the ability to openly and honestly communicate. This could be a "need" but most of us would probably argue that we honestly do not "need" it.
I have lived in a bit of an isolated state - in a foreign country where my neighbors and I spoke different languages. Perhaps we have each felt isolated at some point - a new city, new school, new job in which we found ourselves feeling a tad alone.
Given my personality, I am totally fine with these situations. I am perfectly comfortable in my own company. Yet, to be frank, I don't know how long I could live in such isolation. I do need people. I don't just need people, but I need the relationship.
Do I need that relationship to live - probably not. Do I need it to remain saint... that is a different question.
Despite my personality, I do need the interaction with people - not just anybody, but those with whom I have relationships. Thus, the line between need and want is blurred.
Ladies, do we need to be needed, or is it more a human need that is of higher priority in some personalities than in others?
Are we, as humans, adjusting to the idea of isolation due to advances in technology only to find that, in the end, we need the close relationships? We need to be needed?
But then again, is the "need" for close relationships a need to be "needed?", or is it purely the need to have that interaction - not to be needed by another but to "share" with another?