29 October, 2007

Another Thing I Should Not Assume About Men

Just Run offered an interesting point on Friday's post: 
"I think we tend to under estimate what is considered "great" by some men."
At first glance, I would like to believe that what is good for the goose is good for the gander, but it isn't.  As I contemplated what Just Run wrote, I thought about my experiences, my reactions, and the reactions from the men involved.  Even in those long term situations, there is a range of satisfaction from "not really" to "wow!"  It is very much about the situation, the chemistry, my state of mind... so many factors go into whether or not it is something I enjoyed or the degree of my enjoyment.  
I always assume that this is true for men as well.  
Perhaps this is one of the millions of things I should not assume about men.  
Is there such a thing as "unfulfilling sex" to a man?
I mean, seriously, I have never heard a guy say that he had a bad time with a woman.  He might not want to see her again for whatever reason, but... it is not because the sex was truly bad or he was not satisfied with the outcome.  
This is not to say that men do not have some sort of informal rating system.  I would guess that they do (optimist that I am)  I would like to think that they have some notion of those sessions that are better than the rest.  Thus, they work up from good - good being the lowest possible score on their scale.  Mind blowing being the highest?
And what constitutes "mind blowing" status? 
I can not speak for all women, but for me personally, mind blowing is a potential outcome, but I am not sure how much of it is dependent upon male performance?  I would say that performance, by both parties, is important, but so is the connection, the moods of both parties... that kind of thing that is more mental than physical.  
*sigh*  I think about all the work, creativity, and imagination I put into my interaction with men throughout the years; all the attention I have given to ensuring that they fully enjoy themselves etc... and now I am realizing that perhaps men are easily satisfied.  Perhaps the creativity and research are lost on them because it is good with or without the novelty or the innovation.
All the hours... All the research and experimentation...  
And all you guys want is a woman's body! 


TAG said...

I have no doubt that some of the boys are happy to have a woman's body alone. But a real man knows that to achieve that "mind blowing" level, it requires much more than a physical presence. It requires body mind and soul. The boys know nothing of this. 'Tis a pity really. Once a lady has experienced a man and how a man knows how to make love (not just sex but making love) to a woman, she will never want to settle for less again.

It's too bad for the ladies that boys don't grow into men sooner and that many never do.


walt said...

Wrong! We guys have all had experiences with the woman who "just lies there." No good at all. Even worse is the selfish woman who just wants you to do oral and manual things to her, and is not interested in your pleasure. Fortunately, those are rare, but I've experienced it. But it is true that if the woman shows effort and enthusiasm, and has a firm butt to boot, then we are usually very happy - it's not so much a matter of "technique."

Scorpy said...

"He might not want to see her again for whatever reason, but... it is not because the sex was truly bad or he was not satisfied with the outcome..."
I totally disagree...the exact opposite can be true...I once really liked a girl and we dated for a while but the sex was atrocious...it was a real pity too because I did like her but in the end a relationship must take in all facets and the overriding one was I could not stand her in bed. Sorry but true.

cathouse teri said...

Yeah, they're pretty much turned on just knowing that we're naked under our clothes.

I do hear men complain quite often about a less-than-exciting sexual encounter. Sure they got off. And many, many men stay in very sexually unsatisfying relationships. And it does need to be a good fit. No pun intended. ;)

Everyone wants a stimulating sex life. Whether they are with someone new, or several someones, or with a long-term partner.

Always gotta be creative. Don't want that lovely expression of the intimacy you share to become stagnant. Even in the case of the one night stand. There is potential for intimacy there. And it should flow into the experience. (I think you lacked that in your encounter.)

That's about it from me. ;)

cathouse teri said...

Aside to Walt ~ Not all men want a woman's ass to feel like their own. Many like the softness that fulness has to offer. ;)

Brian said...

I'm sure this is true for women too, but just because a guy has an orgasm doesn't mean he enjoyed the experience or was fulfilled by it.


Not having an orgasm at all doesn't necessarily mean the experience was bad either.

Ok - yes it does.

For me - you get out of the experience what you put into it. Want mind blowing sex? Put your mind into it.

The Exception said...

TAG - It is unfortunate that the boys don't grow up, in deed. But there is probably a time and a place... right?

Walt - I can't imagine the "lying there" doing nothing thing. I can't imagine anyone enjoying a lover who wasn't involved.

Scorpy - I agree - but I wonder what happens to those couples who do not test drive before marriage? What happens should they discover they aren't sexually compatible?

Teri - Creativity... it is the spice of life!!!

JustRun said...

Just catching up here...

Well, I knew some commenters would get all in a huff. That is why I said "some" men, which you understood. This does not mean all men. Nonetheless, I still believe there are SOME men that have either a very bad or very inexperienced rating system and therefore are just happy when a woman will look their way.

Kat Wilder said...

Scorp — could you have "taught" her how to be a better lover.
I think a problem for many is:

1) they don't even know their own body well enough to know what turns them on, so how can he/she ask for something when he/she doesn't even know what it is?


2)if you do know what turns you on, you have to find a way to share it with your partner. "I like it when you ..." etc.

Men and women are easily satisfied — but differently. You may have spent years on "work, creativity, and imagination," but perhaps all he wants is for you being "into" him — listening to his body and what he reacts to. No lingerie, no lap dances, no giving him a blow job "by the book" -- just giving it to him because it excites you as much as him!

Mind-blowing sex? It's when he's focused on your pleasure, you're focused on his pleasure and you both are in the moment, body and mind.