part of forgiving is... letting go or even forgetting.
But if I forgive and forget, then I can no longer... dig up bones!
Yes, I am a pro when it comes to digging up bones, though I must admit that this is a talent that I am trying (and succeeding) to downplay or even remove from my repertoire entirely. (And this blog has actually helped, believe it or not)
I not only dig up bones, but I sometimes resurrect memories that I thought were dead and gone...I can torture myself like no one else can! perhaps that is part of being human or a woman or both.
But I want to stop; I am stopping. I don't like getting my fingers dirty. I don't like having mud caked beneath my fingernails from those times when I forgo grabbing a spade and dig right in with my hands. Moreover, I just don't like having to hold on to those memories. it requires way too much work... and if you haven't noticed, I have enough on my plate that I don't need to work to keep more!
My Diva is great at holding onto bad memories as well - which is an eye opening experience. She remembers hurt feelings and negative experiences that happened years ago - and we aren't talking about overly traumatic experiences but things this or that child said etc.
I can't teach her to let go and let things roll off her shoulders - to forgive, until I can do it myself.
Even the most painful memory I have now is no longer painful to the extent that it was. It no longer causes hurt feelings or intense anger. The passion associated with those bones has dissipated with time, experience, and a will to let go. I dug up those most poignant and painful bones for 7 years, it feels good to let them be.
I am sure that there are other, smaller bones that I can dig up at times, but I like the idea that I don't need or even want to dig up those bones or resurrect those memories. I like the idea that I am letting it all go. I am learning to forgive and to forget... okay, perhaps not forget because the experience has left me a bit more skeptical than I was before... but still...no more digging up bones!
9 comments:
Good for you. I can be a bad habit. Now I can't stop singing that song!!!
;-)
That's a good practice. I hope to get better at this, too.
A few blogs ago you were pratically talking about digging up a bone! :O
MC - That song does stick in my head from time to time too!
JR - It is a challenge, but it feels good to let the practice go.
Aaron - Oh, I am still seeking that "bone." ;) (It is one I don't want to forget.)
That's one of the best thing about kids. To teach them you have to be good at it too.
Resentment only hurts the person holding it. The object of the resentment is often unaffected and may not have a clue that any harm has been done.
Would it help to let go if you focused on what was learned? I'm trying that myself.
Skeletons from the past tend to pop up everywhere if they know you're willing to make room for them. But once you've made it clear that they're no longer welcome, they'll disappear.
I used to tell my daughter that it wasn't good to feed todays happiness to yesterdays monster.
Without todays happiness, yesterday's monster dies and is gone.
Keep your happiness for yourself. Share that happiness with others and it will multiply and come back to you. Feed it to that old monster and it's gone forever.
TAG
i just wanted to say that your post touched me. i go through much the same thing and realizing digging in with my hands and getting it under my fingernails is a powerful visual of what i sometimes do.
i wish the best for us all and that we let go of our negativity.
Post a Comment