It is Saturday night and the phone rings. She is in tears, "I can't do this. I can't be without you."
This is my Diva. This is the child who, until recently, has been full of confidence. This is the child who attacks life with passion and style. And yet, this is the child who is in tears at 9:45 telling me that she can't sleep.We talk. I remind her that she is very brave. I tell her that it is okay, that I am okay, and that I will be here waiting when she comes home tomorrow. I tell her that I love her even when we aren't together. I remind her that there is lots of fun to be had in the morning when she wakes. And we end the conversation. She knows she is not coming home and I know that she wants to come home but that she also wants to stay.The phone rings again near midnight.She wanted me to know that she fell asleep. (She now thinks she called at 7 the next morning). I tell her to go back to sleep!!I don't know what happened to my kid. The child has recently determined that she is afraid to be without me for too long. She says that she doesn't really like being at school. I was late to pick her up at ballet one Saturday (we are talking five minutes) and she was very worried that something had happened.I don't know how to solve the problem. I don't know how to tell her that it is all okay. That I am okay. That she will be okay if something happens.I don't know how to tell her these things because she and I both know that if something happens to me, her life will change drastically. She will have to move. She will most likely not see her dad. Her school, ballet, friends... everything will change.This is a lot for an adult to realize; it is a tremendous thought for a child. And yet this is what she is facing.No, nothing has happened to me, nor do I expect anything to happen. But over the summer she talked about what would happen if something happened to me. She started realizing the way things would look. And she started becoming that much more stuck to me.sighMy heart hurts when I consider what she is worrying about - what she is working through. My heart hurts because she is not yet eight and yet she thinks about such things.Her teacher told me that, for her age, she is very perceptive and self aware.And I am not sure that this is a good thing or a bad thing - it just is what it is.And I want to help her. I want to help her live in the present and not worry about what hasn't happened. I want her to live life with the passion and love for it that she had a few months ago. I want her to realize that she is, wherever she might be or I might be, always a part of my heart. I love her always.
13 comments:
I know far too well what you are dealing with. My little diva was also mentally mature way beyond her peers.
*** Sidebar story bear with me here. I have a drawing on the wall in my office. When in second grade my diva's class was asked to draw pictures of what they would look like in 100 years. As you can probably imagine the teacher got the standard assortment of men with long beards and ladies in rocking chairs. The theme was the same for everyone except my daughter. Her picture has a frame in green crayon. Inside that frame is an oval of red crayon. Inside that is a rather good drawing of a skeleton. It's quite good actually for a second grader.
When the teacher asked her about it she said "In 100 years we'll all be dead. That is me in my grave". ***
Ok, back to my point. Your diva is at an age (and level of maturity) where she can not relate so much to her peers. She relates to you because you are closer to her level of maturity. While her classmates romp carefree through their days she knows no one lives forever. That realization is enough to strike fear into the bravest of hearts.
The best you can do is exactly what you are doing. Love her. Cherish her. Keep the time you have together special for the time is short.
Borrow a line from the movies if you must and tell her that the ones we love are with us always if we keep them in our hearts.
TAG
Ah sleep overs. I use to have a lot at my house, but I remember my first one. I had a REALLY hard time sleeping that night. I feel for the Diva.
I dont remember my first sleepover, nor do I have a little Diva of my own. Thats my disclaimer :)
I think her self-awareness is good. At some point in time she will realize this, and will know that she thinks differently than everyone else. Until then, I think your reminders to her of her confidence will definitely help.
I now know a little more how my mother must have felt. I turned into a worrier at an early age, and it was nothing anyone did. It got a little worse as I got older, and then a little better. Now, as an adult, I'm learning all over again to let it go.
I don't think this is reassuring at all, but I can identify. And the comment above does have a point, sometimes the awareness is good- it helps you prepare.
I was a nervous middleschooler - I once found my mother's will while rooting through a drawer and had a panic attack at the thought of living with people other than my parents (even if it was my aunt!)
We all suffer through this I think.
I never had to deal with this, my boys were both pretty comfortable being away from me.
My baby sister was like this though, she'd make herself sick worrying about everyone at home when she was away from us.
Almost once a day my 5 year olds double check that everything is OK with my heart. They are sincere, honest and more than concerned when then ask. It breaks my heart a little each time that they have to ask and how concerned they get about it...
It's natural that kids start to "get" things, and then they go through the oblivious phase. Mine still hates sleepovers, and he worries about things that I want to say, "Relax, take a breath. You'll be fine." But I don't.
All you have to do is hear her, not necessarily fix things for her. Sometimes, kids ... and adults ... just want to state their fears and have someone validate their feelings.
Then you know, you can cry about it under your covers ...
Aww..I think most kids go through that phase. And it is usually a phase.
I also went through a period of a few months when I was afraid my parents would die. It was after I saw "Bambi." There are a lot of adjustments in childhood; sounds like you're doing the best you can to reassure her and still give her wings to fly.
TAG - Thanks for the story. I think that love and the knowledge of that love is something that helps each of us, regardless of our age, move forward and explore our surroundings. The Diva will learn this and hopefully she will know that I love her whether we are together or not.
Mike - Believe it or not, this was not her first sleep over! She is going through another phase right now.
Scotty - Thanks! She is usually a confident kid - I am hoping that she will remember that as well! She was able to rock climb twice this weekend - which is a great confidence boost!
JR- Letting go is something I wish I could teach her, but I think it is something that she has to learn on her own. (For me it wasn't worry but it is patience. I like a dynamic world and...well, life isn't always dynamic)
Bre - I have never found my parents will, but I bet that was a bit scary and unsettling.
T-Shirt - Thankfully she does not make herself sick! I hope it stays that way. ;)
MC - That is both touching and sad. But, as you might imagine, I can relate. The Diva is always trying to take care of me. Part of me knows that she needs to travel away to spend time with family so that she knows that I am okay without her and will be there when she gets back.
Kat - I try hard to listen with my heart - sometimes listening and loving is the best we can do.
Teahouse - I am trying... thanks... I know I will make mistakes but I also know that she is a strong kid surrounded by love.
I remember my first sleep-over and we didn't goto sleep. We were raising hell until the mid-morning hours! :D
Does your Diva have a cell phone? :P
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