There are days, like today, when I crave nothing but to be normal - to be the average American living in the ideal American family with 2.X kids, a house, two cars, a yard and even a white picket fence. I want to be June Cleaver or Claire Huxtable or even, Marge Simpson.
Regardless of how rare this happens, it does happen... and I wonder what it is that draws me to that mainstream, so "not me" lifestyle?
Or maybe it is a part of me that I tend to ignore? Maybe it is a grass is always greener kind of thing? Maybe it is because The Diva's dad lives this ideal lifestyle with a second house on the beach and vacations and I do not? Perhaps it is because it is winter and January and ballet rehearsals are starting on Saturday... and I am already exhausted?
Last night I found myself unable to sleep. I tried reading, shifting positions, and tried to clear my head - I was so very tired and yet, sleep was not within my reach. But living a "normal" life was enticing me to consider and imagine...
What would it be like to be able to do my own thing once in a while? To not have to find ways and means and getting the Diva to all her activities without help? To have a second house and take vacations and not worry about money? What would it be like to know that when the chips are down, there is someone to share the load? I even found myself craving routine, scheduled, and missionary intimacy every Friday or Saturday night!
perhaps we all go through this. Those moments when the other side of the coin looks inviting. There is that craving for something very different than what we have - fleeting but powerful all the same.
I can sit here, as I did last night, and feel the longing for the things I don't have. I can list all the things that I would love having about that lifestyle... and then I can list all the things that I enjoy about my life as is.
The life style I crave is one that is beyond my reach - not because I can't find the house or the white picket fence or the routine intimacy, but because I am just not that person. I am not the person who is happy with routine and schedules and 2.X kids. I am the person who seems to take everything in stride, handles things like a pro even when I am clueless, and appears responsible and self-sufficient even when I want nothing more than to have someone else take care of me and share my responsibilities. There are few set backs in my life, just issues that provide opportunities for creative problem solving!
"You just don't seem to need anyone. You have it all under control."
Perhaps I do. Perhaps this is how it seems. But even people like me need a break sometimes! We need a chance to breathe and relax... to have someone else carry the load for a few miles. Even people like me crave that normal, average, or ideal American lifestyle... the one with the big yard, nice house, 2 cars, white picket fence... The one we see everywhere we look while we are creating and living and loving and enjoying life (most of the time) in our everything but "normal" way!
14 comments:
Mmm... I hear you. How frustrating to know that the Diva's father lives the life YOU deserve (forgive my bias :) ) ... but at the same time you seem like the kind of person who needs variety to shine.
When you live on the edge, there is a much higher chance of falling off.... however, that is always better than the alternative of living in the center where it's really crowded.
You would be very bored with white picket fences.... you would most likely spend a lot of time painting them different colors.
while at my sister's wedding over the holidays I was surrounded by "normal" couples and families, so understand where you are coming from
however, once I returned home to MY normal, I knew that I wouldn't change any of it for the world
Whenever I post something like this, people give me advice. Not that I blame them, but I won't do that.
I know what you mean, though. And it's certainly it's own kind of normal to have those thoughts.
Normal and average are boring. You're YOU ;) and you are anything but average
I didnt sleep well last night either, but I think it was because I drank too much wine.
Fix things on Friday or Saturday nights?
I think a part in all of us craves to be "normal", to be just like everyone else. When loads get heavy, take a breath and come back to your center.
I like, for the most part, being relatively independent. However, every now and again, I think how nice it would be to have someone (other than my kids/grandkids) around, who genuinely cares about me and is willing to SHARE the good, bad, ugly, indifferent, etc. I wouldn't be happy with someone who coddled me, catered to my every whim all the time, but just once in a while, would reach out, hold my hand, put an arm around my shoulder and ask if there's any thing I'd like then. It's the intimacy factor more than anything I think that I miss and yes, sometimes, even crave it too. I don't think it's abnormal at all to feel that way. Actually, I think anyone who doesn't feel those emotions from time to time would be the one who is abnormal.
How odd, I do not crave that life style much at all anymore. That life style seemed to be so much more work.
The way I live now is not perfect. I do experience those lonely moments and I can see how the old lifestyle the "family" can look enticing.
You don't strike me as the person that would strive for "normalcy" or be happy with anything that would be considered "normal."
I sense a long string of blogs that convey the notion that you're lonely. :(
What's "normal"? Normal is a construct. Normal is relative. Normal is what you're used to.
Screw normal. Do what excites you, do what satisfies you. If you're not - that's not normal.
Carrie - He works hard for that life, but thanks! And yes, variety is the spice of my life!!
Ryan - I would enjoy painting the fence or simply spending hours enjoying the different designs that could be painted.
Kathryn - It does look nice now and again - perhaps it is a nice place to visit. But I am with you in that I like my normal!
JR - Thanks for not leaving advice. It's more just a desire now and again over a real "want." If I wanted a different life, I would just change mine!
Emmaenlightened - Thank you!!
Scotty - Are you going to help me fix things?
Seven Seas - And my center is not in the realm of normal - which is just where I like it! But then you know what I mean.
Jeni - I think that you are correct. Perhaps it is when the load seems a bit too heavy... that is when I crave that "normal."
Croaker - Family seems enticing from afar, but... up close and personal, well, I like my lifestyle the way it is. I honestly can't imagine living as one of those around me. Things just seem too "settled" and I am not sure that makes sense, but I know it isn't me. I like change!
Aaron - Ah, lonely and a string of lonely posts... I thought you knew me better than that my southern friend! Alone sometimes yes, but not really alone - and honestly, lonely is not my thing. But I do crave different from time to time... more help and support over something that speaks of loneliness. (And this is truly a philosophical conversation - if only there were a virtual Starbucks...)
Brian - I hear you loud and clear!!
Its partly because you are a virgo, we seem to live off the beaten track, or to 'bodly go, where no man has gone before"
Oh so very true!!
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