I love this title... it is the title of a play that was recently in the area. I didn't get to see the play, but I just love the title (and the play received great reviews)
How often do we enter into a relationship and experience the sentiments expressed in this title?
I have heard friend after friend swoon and tell me about their latest loves... "He's perfect!"
But he isn't just as she isn't. People are not perfect. They are, despite the view from our rose tinted lenses, not perfect. Those little things that annoy you now... well, they are not going to go away (or you shouldn't expect them to disappear).
It is easy to see a person's strengths and attributes during those first phases of love. We tend to overlook those little things that don't mesh with our idea of perfection... "I am sure that will change after..."
But "after..." things usually aren't any different than they were before. Those little things we overlooked are sometimes very obvious "after..." They didn't go away; they didn't change.
Now that person that was perfect... well, that person is actually a "person" with a life that includes work and friends and stress. A person who has a family and likes football and beer and doesn't understand the double dipping is so not polite. And despite all the great clothes you have purchased... he still prefers that disgusting shirt and the sneakers... and he doesn't understand the dirty underwear belongs in the hamper and wet towels are to be hung rather than left wherever...
And we wonder - what happened to that perfect person?
That person that was never perfect.
Even in the strongest of relationships, there are times when each person has to come to terms with the imperfections of the other. Times when we have to remember that we love the person as a whole, and that person isn't always the romantic lead character in the story of our lives. Sometimes that person... smells!
But this is the person we love. The person with qualities that we appreciate and cherish. We now have to choose to love the person; to love with intention rather than being swept away by the romance and chemistry that happens in the beginning. Love is figuring out that someone isn't perfect, is not going to change, and loving them all the same; accepting them for who they are, warts and all.
11 comments:
Yep! You hit the nail right on the head there with your last sentence - "Warts and all!" Actually, I think in the wedding vows the "For better or worse" kind of covers that but all too often, in the state of euphoria love seems to place us then, we kind of just gloss over that part, don't we?
Great post!
You need that rosy period to help connect you. So that when the new day starts and you can see the person as they are you've hopefully seen the good side of the person.
the fact that he is NOT perfect is why I love him
I've learned that I'm much better off looking for someone whose quirks and imperfections I find charming than to find someone who's perfect.
Well said! Enjoy your blog.
Wow, this post is perfect. Well, almost. LOL, just kidding.
Seriously, love the post. As usual you dug through all the rock and stone and found the perfect nugget of golden wisdom. Thanks for sharing.
TAG
It isn't the smelling and the farting and the wet towels and the beer that make a person imperfect; it's more that we expect that he'll do things and think like we do. Then we get disappointed or upset when he doesn't because — guess what — he's not you. He's been him all along and we made huge assumptions and built huge expectations around him.
A great quote I stumbled upon recently by psychotherapist and author Adam Phillips (although he was talking about jealousy, I see it as a bigger thing): "other people are independent of our desires for them."
Like our desire that they be what we want them to be, not who they are.
its not a matter of him being perfect, but a matter of him being perfect for me.
Very well said :)
Very good insight.
I'm sure we've all been guilty of the "they'll change" sentiment with at least one relationship in our life. If they haven't changed before they met you, then you're really holding out for a miracle (or you really must think highly of yourself!).
Smelliness and all! Mmm.
Post a Comment