11 April, 2008

Only in Fiction?

We chat, we flirt, and eventually the conversation turns to sex.
"I want..." he begins, in a matter of fact tone, a list of the different things that he would like to enjoy ranging from just the visual to the physical. "And what do you want?"
I am speechless. Why is it that most of the men I know intimately have a list of the things that they "want" and I, well... don't.
This is not to say that I don't have an idea as to what I "want" but it is not in the form of a list. I do not have goals or objectivesWhen it comes to physical intimacy, I like to let my body do what it is going to do. My logical, rational mind turns off leaving creativity, passion, chemistry and instinct to take charge.
For the most part, this works for me. I am able to side step that "what do you want" question and relax into just letting things happen.
But not always.
Of late I have been sucked into reading a few books by Nora Roberts. These are books that I do not normally read and, well, I have read the few of late out of necessity and lack of option more than anything else. Reading the explicit scenes leaves me wondering...and wanting.
First, do such men exist?
Not the romantic lead with all the flowers and music and candlelight, but the men who are intense and aggressive (not mean or angry); men who initiate and lead knowing that they already know what I want and... well, if they don't, they will figure it out along the way and make sure that the desire/need is met. Men who seize the moment, go with the flow, and relish in the look/touch/and feel of me.
My men, as wonderful as they are, are not necessarily those that resemble the man described above. They are much more likely to hesitate and let me take the lead than fall pray to their own instincts or desires. Their idea of mixing things up is by adding items to the stew rather than using imagination or researching other recipes to vary the spices etc.
And they want to know what I want. (I have not yet red this line in any of these books).
I appreciate their desire to hear me verbalize my own desires and wants. I know that they only ask in order to make it better and more fulfilling for me, but...
How do I verbalize that what I want is not necessarily to be touched here or kissed there but more.. to be swept off my feet (if only just a few times a year). What I want is someone to know me and my body to the point that there is no need to ask the question. I want a lack of lists, surprise, creative moves...
I don't want the fictitious man described in the book. I want the real man with all the complications that come with being a man, but I want the ability to completely let go.
If such men exist (beyond the pages of Nora Roberts that is) then where can I find one?


cathouse teri said...

A hard man is good to find... er... well you know what I mean. :)

I am also put off by the question of "What do you like?"

What I like is the unique blend of intimacy between a man and a woman. It's a synergy. A flow. Something unique to just you two. I may have been with a lot of men, but it's never the same with any two of them. It's about acting and reacting. Sponding and responding. :)

Anyway, I don't necessarily want a man who aggressively goes for what I want, because he's probably really just going for what he wants me to want. (That's how it winds up being in real life.) But the one who is sensitive to SENSING what I'm enjoying and then can SENSE when I'm enjoying something new he's trying.

There are a number of men like this, but I'm afraid the current state of society has made us all, men and women alike, question our ability to feel. We all have intuitive thoughts we are suppressing because we've been told that they are wrong.

We need to get back to that.

Mike said...

Just the differences between men and women. Men are more analytical while women more emotional. The women that have a list will have said about her she's like a man.

Confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac. A guy that exudes it will probably be that way in bed. We exists.

TAG said...

Exuding confidence is a good thing. Taking charge and treating a woman like she wants without asking sounds nice.

But there is a fine line here. That line, when crossed, leads from confident man to egotistical jerk. Surely you've seen plenty of them in your life. I would think a few rounds with those over confident jerks would lead to a better appreciation of men who know the importance of treating women like ladies.


Wombat said...

Little I can add to the knowledge shared by the fine folk above, Exceptional One.

The storybook guys don't exist at all, but I can't imagine you really wanting one of them anyway.

All I can add is that relationships like everything else in life never follow a path we might have imagined. It is therefore only of value to live in the moment, and not worry about the future. The more we do that, the more likely the right person is to come into our lives, leaving the men and women of fiction right where they belong...between the hardcover.

Thinking Fool said...

Have you tried Craigslist casual encounters? Lots of good men there. ;-)

cathouse teri said...

As Wombie points out, I have found this thing to be very true. The truly good relationships have never ever ever folowed a path that I imagined.

Kat Wilder said...

TE, I know exactly what you're talking about. I don't fault men for trying to please a woman by asking her what she wants — he's trying, after all — but I am driven crazy beyond belief by the man who not only knows a woman's body but his own body and what he wants. What it shows to me is that he's cared enough to research and understand what each is about. That is a sensual person. as well as one who's sexual ... and one who's smart, too.

So, how and where to find them? Ah, that's the hard part. But I don't think any woman, or man for that matter, should settle for anything less.

Anonymous said...

you briefly met this man, he took you for Thai food for lunch, you got him lost on the way back to your office and he kissed you...