There are times when I think that being raised by an eclectic mother must be somewhat difficult. I don't know this for fact as I was raised by a very normal mom. Sure, she was the first woman in her family to work, but she was a teacher and did all the normal things that moms do.
But things are different for the Diva. She is being raised by... me!
Her dad is normal, no doubt about it. She just doesn't spend much time with him. Instead, my unique kid is stuck living with her eclectic mom.
For the most part, I don't think she minds... but once in a while I can see that my parenting style and personality coupled with her own individualism are effecting her life.
For example, she came home the other night and asked me if I think she talks too much. Apparently the kids in her class give her the "not again" feeling when ever she opens her mouth. Not a great place to be or a feeling to have.
She doesn't talk too much. She doesn't make up stories or fictionalize her life. But she does things that other kids do not do; she has things to say and experiences to share that they do not.
Her life is simply different than many of her peers.
It is often, increasingly, not easy to be different.
While I did not care very much about fitting in and being one of the crowd, the Diva (who hasn't cared much in the past) is now starting to care. She wants to be a part of student government and active in her school, and yet she knows that there is something about her that doesn't quite fit with her peers.
I am at a loss. I know that I need to step back and let her find herself and her way. She, like everyone hopefully does, will eventually figure out that she is wonderful without trying to fit in or be anything or anyone she isn't.
It is hard to watch, as a parent, imagining all the things that could happen if she doesn't figure out how great she is. It is hard to hear her worry that she will never be elected to a student government office because she isn't popular. It isn't that she isn't intelligent, attractive, funny, or even liked... she is just different.
I have no idea what to do or how to make it better. The best I seem to manage is to listen; to love her; and to empathize without trying to fix it.
I wish I could do more - that I could be different than I am so that she could have that normal life in that normal house with the normal family. So that she could have that normal background like her peers. But I can't be someone I am not.
I can hope that, because I am true to myself, she will learn that it is okay to be true to herself too. And maybe, perhaps, she might find herself enjoying being different.
3 comments:
Normal is generally not something anyone I know can say when they look back on certain aspects of their childhood.
Somehow though, I think the universe has a way of balancing us and whatever we may be "lacking" early on comes to us tenfold later. I don't know if that makes any sense at all, but it's what came out. :)
It may be a long haul for the Diva. She sounds like she has all the qualities to succeed, but school is an institution,and therefore a conformist environment. Being different may prevent flourishing. I know people who've blossom once they've entered the often more flexible environment of uni or the workforce. Doesn't help much now, I know.
A tough one, for both of you. I think you are right about not trying to fix things and letting her find her path. The Diva sounds like she is a good kid, with a solid head on her shoulders.
Have to disagree with Lad Litter. Conforming seems, to me, to prevent flourishing. Being afraid to say or do your own thing because it may label you unpopular is not really a growth environment. I don't think any true leaders have been conformists.
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