12 June, 2008

An Unconventional Father's Day

Father's day has always been an interesting time in my house.  Unlike other situations where there is a custody agreement with rules and visitation restrictions, the Diva's dad is free to be as active and participatory in the Diva's life as he likes.  There are no restrictions coming from me - only encouragement.  (And I am trying to stay out of it as much as possible as their relationship is theirs and is not about me)
That said, the Diva spends very little time with her dad. 
When her school has had Father's day events, I ask her if she would like to take anyone or not go.  She always takes me. 
For a while, I would receive the gifts that she would make for Father's Day.  Sometimes they would go to my dad.  Most often, they are made with such love and excitement and then, they are forgotten about before they are ever given.  
Father's day is not easy for us, but I am not sure that it is difficult either.  It is just another day in our lives.  It is probably more difficult for me, given my close relationship with my dad, than it is for the Diva.  But it is a weird day for her as well as she is trying to figure out just where her "dad" fits in her life.  perhaps it is better to say, she is attempting to define or discover just how she fits into his life.   
This year, as every other year, she will not see her dad for Father's day.  Rather, we will spend the day celebrating the end of school and ballet and the beginning of summer vacation.  The Diva will get her summer hair cut (with her fingers crossed that she will be able to make a bun in it before ballet camp in July) and I might treat her to a fun treat while we are out and about.  We will call my dad to tell him that his gift will be waiting for him in Virginia when he arrives, and we will wait until we see the Diva's dad to give him his gift (just before we leave on vacation).   
I do not down play the day nor do I encourage her to celebrate in a certain way.  I allow her the freedom to choose how she wants to do Father's day.  But I do celebrate for my dad... and I celebrate for hers as well. 
As unconventional as it might sound, I love her dad.  I love the time that we shared, the experience, and the child that, without him, would not be.  The Diva was not planned, but she is all about love!
So... Dear Diva's Dad,
Thank you for assisting in the creation of such an amazingly wonderful child and person.  Without you, she wouldn't be, and without her my life would be far less rich than it is today. 
Happy Father's Day!


JustRun said...

I often say (and this is likely because of my own life experience) that their children are the best things dads ever did, whether they know it or not.

(Moms too, but we're not talking about that.) :)

Mike said...

It's so sad when I parent isn't active in their childs life.

dadshouse said...

This makes me think of how I sometimes spend Christmas. My ex and I swap holidays each year, so every other year I do the holidays solo. Sometimes I do nothing - go cycling or whatever, just treat it like a normal day. I simply decided it wasn't a big deal, and now it's not.

Jeni said...

Growing up, knowing who my Dad was -in name anyway -because he died when I was an infant I never knew what he was about and it bothered me. I wanted my kids to know their Dad in as many ways as possible but that didn't happen for them because we split after 8 years together. Today, he does have a reasonably good relationship with all three of our children. And, as much as I have,on numerous occasions over the years, said some not always nice things, cast aspersions on his thought processes, his ability to forget (or so it seemed often) that these kids existed and many other things I complained about, today I do give thanks that he was here when it counted -to produce these three great people who, along with my grandkids now, are the very fiber of my life. Yeah, he did good then anywa and he's not really all that bad an egg now, most of the time. (I just can bring myself to fully complement him ya know -little twinges creep in here and there.)

cathouse teri said...

Happy Father's Day, Mommy! :)

The Exception said...

JR - I agree. Dad's create some great kids (or they contribute to the creation of some great kids)

Mike - I agree - and I see a lot of parents who aren't involved.

DH - We definitely don't make it a big deal. For us, the celebration of this and that takes place most every day of the year.

Jeni - It has taken me a lot of work to come to a point where I am comfortable with the way things are... and i am not always there. It is hard to pull back and realize that my daughter and her dad have to come to terms with their relationship.

Teri - Thanks... same to you!

DVLNSID said...

Damn, you are generous! Mostly I just feel disgust when I think of my kids' dad!