Twenty years ago I graduated from high school. Outside of attending a basketball game the next winter, I have not been back. In fact, I have felt little desire to return. It isn't that I didn't enjoy high school but that my life is very much removed from the time, the place, and the people. It is as if my life truly started after I left not just high school, but college.
As my 20th reunion approached, I started feeling curious about what had happened to my classmates. I set up a blog for people to post pictures and tell their stories. I sent out reminders encouraging them to post and participate. Some of them did, which was great fun. But beyond the blog and my curiosity about how people had changed and all that they had done, I felt no interest in attending. In fact, I was at the theater during the reunion and then leaving for the beach. I didn't think about what was happening in my small town or the people that were attending the reunion events.
Apparently, now that I am catching up with those that did attend, the blog I set up was a success. People liked the idea and it might receive more attention. The reunion was fun, and I am being encouraged to set up a Face Book account so that I can keep up with fellow former classmates.
It all sounds very nice and exciting. I am glad that it went well and that everyone had fun.
So why is it that I am feeling no desire to set up that Face Book account? Why is it that I feel distant and not really "into it?"
I am twenty years removed from 1988. I am 20 years different than the girl I was at that point or even 4 years later when I graduated from college.
Since then, I have lived in two foreign countries and traveled extensively, discovered more about myself, developed great friendships with wonderful people (mostly men, but that is a different post), and I have become a mom very much involved in a life that is 20 years removed from small town, small high school, southwestern USA.
I am sure I am not alone in these feelings. We are all 20 years removed from where we once were and the people each was at that time. Perhaps I feel the distance that much more because I never really fit in - cheerleader that I was, born and raised in the same town I might have been, but I am more comfortable with the person that I am here and now than I ever was there and then.
"Are you grouchy?" my dearest female friend in the world asked while catching up with me about the reunion which she attended and loved.
"Not really," I responded. I am not grouchy, but perhaps a little sad. Not sad because I missed the reunion but kind of sad because I don't feel badly about missing it. And that, I know, makes little to no sense whatsoever! But, it is what it is.
The next is in 5 years - 25 years removed.
The next reunion, the 25th, seems just around the corner. I wonder if I will feel differently? Or maybe there will be something else that I am doing, like the cruise in the North Sea we are planning or maybe even an exotic adventure. Perhaps in 5 years I will want to return; to make the reunion a priority, but then again, perhaps not!
8 comments:
For some reason, I've never been interested in school reunions. Maybe it's because I've changed so much from the girl I was back then. But your blog idea was pretty cool... what a great way to catch up and see pics of your classmates!
I graduated thirty years ago. There are a few friends I have kept in touch with. And I'm always happy to run into an old classmate. I do feel very removed from that time. I've also lived a great many places in the past thirty years. And as for popularity, I was well liked, I think. But was never a cheerleader or anything of any significance. I didn't fit in with any certain group, and I expecially didn't fit in with the local religious culture (Utah).
But I would like to go to a reunion, if they are having one. Perhaps they already did. I've no idea. My parents are still at the same address and I've not received notification of a reunion since #10 (which I did attend and felt oddly out of place during).
I am sure, though, that there is no need to feel like you should be melancholy about missing yours. It probably would have been a positive event, but so also was the way you chose to spend that day.
I went to my 20 year reunion last year. I wasn't expecting it but I had an absolute blast! It was so interesting that people were exactly NOT waht you'd would've expected. We SO thought we knew everything in high school and judged ourselve and others so harshly. I was amazed at people I assumed would do well, who didn't and others I assumed would have faded, who didn't. Still, we all had a shared history that made for a really fun weekend.
And one of my classmates had the contact info for someone I wanted to re-connect with. That "someone" is my soldier. :) He started at my high school junior year and though we only contacted each other every 5-7 years, we always enjoyed each other's company. It just so happened that this time, both of us were single. WOOHOO!!
Having only been to one not well-attended reunion many years back, I can understand your mixed emotions. The fact that you've grown and experienced so much since then is wonderful, and I'm sure your classmates would recognize that. Of course, many of them may have, too.
I certainly think it would be interesting to explore further your feelings about not wanting to go.
I'm not terribly excited about reunions, either. My 10th is this year (as you may recall) and I have no desire to go. (Besides, $275 to see people? What the heck?!)
I like the idea of the 20th (I hear that people are more realistic then, finally grown up, etc.) but I have no idea what I'll feel like then. I already feel so beyond it all.
ALU - I am not interested in the reunions, just the stories of the people. Those who posted have done some amazing things. I hear you (and say hi to your sister... I miss her writing)
Teri - I have heard that many places don't have them... our class is already planning #25! A cruise from what I heard this afternoon.
T - A friend of mine, who went, said something similar. People change so much after 20 years that everyone shares a history but seems to meet on common ground.
That is great that you met your soldier in such a way... timing is everything sometimes. ;)
Kat - I think it is just that there are other things I would rather be doing... and my parents are still there and still working for the school so I am never completely out of touch. What puzzled me was more that I felt sad because I wasn't sad I missed it.
JR - That is exactly what I said at 10!! "I hear 20 is supposed to be the one to go to." And, from what I have heard, it was!! I didn't go to 10 because I was interviewing in DC, but fully intended to go to the 20th. I don't regret either decision. (But I keep in touch with people that go so get to catch up in a round about way)
I'd love to go to my high school reunion--if only it were practical. Since I grew up in Southeast Asia, the reunion is usually thousands of miles away.
At any rate, I'd love to attend just to see how my high school sweetheart turns out. Then if I find out she's still single, I'll gladly have my heart broken all over again. :-)
My overseas classmates and I still stay in touch through a Google discussion forum (our equivalent of your blog).
I went to mine, and had a great time. Mostly because I got to see the folks I regularly hung out with.
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