24 July, 2008

Change in Strategy

How do men do it?  Why is it that they seek younger women for affairs, entanglements, flings, or even dates?
When I turned 35 I decided that I had entered midlife.  In keeping with my male counterparts, I would seek the things that many men do... a variety of partners younger than themselves.  I was, to be blunt, looking for a boy toy. 
I had various offers, tried a few, and discovered that... I don't get it!
I am not sure that I see what the draw is to a partner vastly younger than oneself?
Perhaps it is personality types?  I like men with whom I can actually talk; who know what it is to carry on a conversation; and who can express their thoughts (yes, they have them) with ease and who demonstrate a good grasp of the English language.
Perhaps if I were able to find a boy toy with these characteristics, I could understand the draw to the younger generation.  (I do know that they exist but perhaps not in this part of Virginia?)  *sigh* but I did not find such a specimen.  As it happened, I had more success finding these men in my own age group if not just a tad older. 
"I am a strategic planner" a friend informed me on the phone this morning.  He was talking about his search for a new home and examining the commute, but I have been thinking about what he said. 
I can be a strategic planner too!  The first thing I need to consider is changing my midlife plans to reflect more the reality of my life.  I seem to draw and be drawn to men my own age if not older.  So... maybe I should see if older men have something to offer!  Maybe they aren't worn out?  Perhaps they are not suffering from fatigue?  They might even understand the value of a conversation, the nuances of the English language, and how to engage in fun and flirtatious banter?  These older men might even understand that sex is that much better when the mind is involved and engaged. 
What a novel idea!
And thus, the search for the boy toy ends and the quest for an older man begins!


Mike said...

When I use to salsa with the twenty somethings their was so little to connect on outside of salsa. If you are going to have a fling with someone younger what you are truly looking for is a toy that is new and shiny. Also being the older person you have a lot more power/control which people seem to enjoy. Also with the younger crowd sex is pretty much always a quickie.

Kathryn said...

I don't get it either - older is definitely the way to go

(not to mention you risk looking rather ridiculous with someone half your age hanging off your arm)

T said...


Been there, done that. Unless you're looking for mindless sex and a way to feel like the one-who-knows-more, for your own ego's sake, a boy toy isn't for you. (Or me either for that matter)

I asked my soldier recently about why men are drawn to younger women. He said, "Well, as a man, if you take care of yourself, you want a woman who's body looks good too. Then there's the baggage. Most younger women don't have ex-husbands and children and all the drama that comes with it."

Of course, I reminded him that I have all of said baggage of ex and children. He said, "Yes but you don't have the drama. And you're so sexy you make me dizzy."

Ok, just checkin'! :)

Anonymous said...

Great post!! Just don’t go getting Mr. Saggy Balls. LOL

I think you get what you go looking for. Depth in men usually comes with maturity. I think that comes as we get older and gain some life experience. Women get there faster and for men who don’t get it…well it can be intimidating. This is why we tend to gravitate to those younger women who don’t require the complexity or depth.

At the end of the day we may have to give up a little on the physical side to gain more on the mental. I believe that connections that last require more depth than what can be obtained in some young hottie.

TAG said...

I'm sure you have recognized over the years that women tend to be more mentally mature than men. Some men never do grow out of being a big boy.

I believe it is this group of overgrown boys who seek out younger women. Those of us who manage to leave the days of extreme testosterone poisoning behind find that a mature woman has so much more to offer than a mere girl.

You obviously realize what I've been saying for years. The most essential body part to really great sex sits right between your ears. Without the proper equipment there, the other parts will never live up to their true potential. Now what you need to do is find a man who knows how to use his brain first.


Anonymous said...

I think it works for older men and younger women (and not the other way around) because men mature so slowly!! I've never been able to date a younger man because - just as you said - because in communication, as well as other uh, areas - seem to be a bit lacking. Now that I'm in my thirties, I could never date a guy in his twenties. I don't think. :)

Thinking Fool said...

Haha! Your last line made me laugh. Good luck with your search. :)

For me, if I click with the person, that is what's important.

The Exception said...

And that summed it all up nicely. Perhaps it isn't the age and the answer isn't about the numbers - it is the life lived, the experiences, and whether or not there is a "click!"

cathouse teri said...

I've been pondering this lately. I'll be posting about it soon. :)

The Exception said...

Teri - I can't wait to read what you write!

Willow said...

I'm chiming in with my 2cents, lol! I usually go for the older men, but I've recently connected with a couple of men much younger than myself. It definitely depends on their intelligence, conversational skills and maturity levels, but it is possible to find those qualities in a 22 or 28 year old as I have recently found! I may have run into the only 2 exceptions though:)

Have FUN with your quest!!

Willow said...
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