Flashback

Sometimes I read something that has been written and flashback to another part of my life; another moment in time that may or may not have anything to do with the post or the words that were written.

Scorpy wrote about the anxiety and the excitement of one's first kiss.

Oh, I remember first kisses - not just my very first kiss, but each first kiss. Each has a character of its own that is a perminent part of my memory.

Now, I am not one to downplay kissing in the slightest. In fact, I love kissing. There is so much that one can communicate through a kiss... but when I read Scorpy's post, it wasn't a flashback to my first kiss that played across my mind but of the first time I told a man I loved him and meant it.

Does anyone else remember that moment as we remember our first kiss, our first sexual experience, perhaps even the first time a man told us that we were loved?

"I have to tell you something" I told him as we stood at the door. He was preparing to leave while I would hang out for a few hours before flying home. It is funny that I can't remember where my hands were, but I can remember that I was nude at the time. "I love you" I said, going on to explain that it was what I felt and that I had no expectations, no need for anything in return. I wanted him to know, without doubt, that it didn't matter to me in the slightest whether me loved me back. I didn't want a ring, didn't want promises, in fact, I didn't want anything at all except to give that love to him; for him to know that I loved him for all that he was and what he brought to my life.

Decades later, I wonder who that woman was who had such a notion of love. How did she come to that conclusion or realization? But wow... I do remember the feeling of saying it, sharing that love, and feeling the joy that comes when life seems so full. He didn't say he loved me in return. He smiled, kissed me, and we parted. I don't know how he felt, but I know I felt as if the world was the greatest place to be and that I was thrilled to be a part of it.

It is this moment that flashed into my head when I read about first kisses. It is this woman and her joy that continually remind me how important it is to me and for me to teach my daughter that love is a gift that lives within us. That it is given without expectation of anything in return because love is unconditional.

To date, I love hearing the words, but even more... I love feeling the love and openly giving it to another - no strings attached!