07 August, 2008

Silence of the Moment

I have been preparing for this day for a while.  A list sits before me on my desk.  I watch the clock... 9:59 I hit the browser and click to the website.  10:00 and I am shopping.  I must get the best tickets possible for a key performance.  The Diva and I want to be up front and center when Santa visits the NSO Pops at the Kennedy Center!
After two site crashes and my cart being emptied as I hit the "submit Order" button, I sit back content with the purchases made and the seats acquired.  Success!  The Diva and I will be busy enjoying the arts this season - traveling the world through dance, exploring new genres of music from New Orleans Preservation Hall to the sounds of the Temptations, and venturing into some of Broadway's classics. 
I am excited to be a part of this experience; excited to share these things with the Diva, yet, there are also shows that I wanted to see and most likely won't. 
I love piano music.  The sounds of Rachmaninoff thrill me and speak directly to my soul.  A pianist will be performing his work next year.  I would love to go. 
And yet, I am torn. 
Being on my own at concerts or at restaurants or movies etc doesn't phase me.  I don't mind doing things that I want to do.  Life is too short to let this or that stop this woman.  Yet, there is something about sitting in a concert hall, surrounded by such beautiful music, that leaves me wanting to share it with someone. 
I am sure I could get a friend to go, but that isn't the type of sharing I desire.  The Diva would probably suffer through it with me, and I do mean suffer.  Although she loves classical music, her belief is that it is for dancing not for listening.  She is dipping her toe into the world of music and the symphony; she is not yet ready for this full experience.  Okay, maybe she is ready but I am not.  I love becoming a part of the music which is something I can't do if I am worried about the bundle of energy sitting beside me.  
I want nothing more than to share this part of my self with someone.  While the music fills the hall, I want to relax into the feel of my hand in his and into the knowledge that, whether or not he likes the music, he appreciates the passion and skill of the artistes as well as all that it means to me.  
I considered the tickets, considered buying them  believing that I would find someone to accompany me.  Then, well, I didn't purchase.  There is time to buy the tickets.  There is time to consider my options.  Who knows, there might even be time to find that hand to hold and that someone to share the beauty of the music and the silence of the moment.   


T said...

Ah!!! I love this!!

I do the same things... go see shows alone because I enjoy them. I know what you mean about wanting someone to share them with. I take my kids to events but yes, as you said, sometimes its more of a distraction than anything.

I took my oldest to see Harry Connick Jr last year. She LOVES him and I've been a fan for years. After the first two songs, she was ready to go. Um, nope. Not going anywhere.

*sigh* My soldier has made reference to the fact that he enjoys shows so maybe... we will have to see won't we?

I say buy the tickets. And KNOW that that other seat will be filled with a warmth made just for you!!!

JustRun said...

I hear you. It's not that you couldn't do it alone, it's just that it'd be nice to have the option not to.

Mike said...

Just out of curiousity, what are you doing to change your single status? Have you thought about dating? On-line or through friends? I don't know your situation (just stumbled on to your site today), but you do have options if you chose.

Just my two cents worth from a guy who has been where your at...

whatmenthink said...

There is nothing wrong with going alone =D I think its more fun.

The Exception said...

T - I took her to see Sleeping Beauty the Ballet... she made it halfway through before driving everyone in our row crazy (or at least that is how it felt). Sitting still is just difficult when you are 8!

JR - It is nice to go with someone, not required, just... nice.

Mike - Welcome aboard. I do date but it isn't as easy as it was before I had a child with a life and schedule of her own that requires my involvement.

Whatmenthink - I could easily go alone and sometimes, yes, it is more fun. But sometimes... it is nice to have that strong hand to hold. Men are good for some things, ya know!