02 September, 2008

One of the most Beautiful Words

Earlier this year I started feeling restless.  That restlessness that comes from somewhere deep inside making itself known without clearly stating a desire.  A restlessness that was, at one point, so familiar and yet, in the past few years, has only made itself known from time to time as I examine my house and feel the need to change it; to remodel.  
Professional restlessness is a part of my daily life.  Personality and compatibility assessments all suggest that I need a dynamic work environment.  Such an environment is not what I currently have nor has it been since I became pregnant.  Perhaps a less static career is just around the corner?  Perhaps it is all about being patient and waiting for the right time rather than trying to force something to happen on my time?  I believe that change, professional change that is, approaches.  It isn't here right now, but it is coming, I can feel it.  
The restlessness that struck this past spring was more personal.  For once, it wasn't about my house or my career, it was something deep inside.  It felt as if something in my soul began stirring after a long nap.  I couldn't put my finger on what I wanted; couldn't put my desires into words, I just knew that I wanted different.  Did that mean a new house, a new job, a new city, a new country, an injection of masculine energy?     
Had my restlessness struck, to the extent that it did this spring, before my daughter was born... I would have been out of here.  I would have taken the first great opportunity to live and work somewhere else; I would have been gone.  As a parent, I can't do that though.  Although there is nothing legally keeping me in Virginia, there is much keeping me here beyond the fact that I just love Virginia.  That said, don't get me wrong, I have thought about moving quite frequently throughout the past few months.  A new city or country would have provided the challenges and experiences my restlessness sought. 
Restlessness, pure and simple.
When my soul starts to feel this restless, something has to change - change is in the air.  It is as if I can feel it, taste it, smell it, I just can't see it; I don't know the form it will take.  Change is ineluctable.
And change is here!
It has been creeping up on me for months.  It has been making sneaky appearances in places where I least expect it, but it is here.  I am loving it.  I didn't have to move at all.  Rather, I had to exercise patience and open my mind to the new and different possibilities around me.
I am now a patron of the theater, I bought a bike (and love it!), I have expanded my circle of friends to include some very amazing and unusual people, and I am filled with the possibilities that await in the upcoming months while I embrace those that I find today.     
 I love... love... love... change.  And I love knowing, in my very soul, that there is still more change to come.  I have a feeling that 38 (which is quickly approaching) will be a wonderful year in the sense of experience, change, and growth.  This is not to say that 37 hasn't provided much of the same, as it has. 
My mind is open, my heart is ready, and my wings are preparing to soar.
Change...one of the most beautiful words in the English language!


T said...

Hooray! Not many can embrace change as you seem to. However, I suppose it does become easier to embrace if the restlessness precedes it. I'm so happy that you are feeling grateful for all the wondrous newness in your life! Maybe fall breezes make us all a little more sparkly! :)

I'm also very happy you love your bike!! Whee! Fall cycling will be wonderful!

T said...

Oh and P.S.

Love the new look!

cathouse teri said...

I like the new look. But the scroll bar thingy threw me for a minute.

Here's to hoping for a settled heart during possible changes.


JustRun said...

That is fantastic!

And you know I've been going right along with you on this change thing. I feel mine is coming, but of course slower and with many more phases than I'd like. Nonetheless, yay change! :)

harassedmomsramblings said...

Change is a GRAND affair!!

I love it! I need it like we need air!

I feel exactly how you describe about work!!! Maybe the restlessness I have been feeling means things are about to change?

YAY on the bike - I keep eyeing them out but am just not that bold yet!

mama llama said...

It can be so scary, so intimidating, change... but once change occurs, isn't it funny how we ask ourselves why it took us so long in the first place?

Congratulations! Your post filled my heart with joy! And I like your new look, too.

Be well.

The Exception said...

T - Change is fabulous. It is amazing how sparkly I become around my birthday... just sparks flying everywhere (of course, it could be the excess energy I have due to a dry spell, but that is another post!) ;) We are working, in our house, on choosing to look at things differently. It is a nice change in itself.

Teri - Yeah, it kind of is weird until you get used to it. I am not sure about the look, but I thought it was worth a shot!

JR - Yea Change!! It never goes as quickly as I like but... sometimes I have to be patient and remember that if I try and mix things up (create my own change) strange things happen. It is best to sit back and enjoy the ride!

Harassed - I hope that it will happen for you at work too. All in good time; all when the time is right. And until it happens, enjoy where you are at the moment and all that you can in this space (that is what I am trying to do)

Mama Llana - It is amazing how that first step can take so much time and then, once you hit the water... it is delightfully refreshing and exciting. It is a change of perspective.

Scotty said...

I really like theater... this past weekend I saw 'Spring Awakening'... awesome.

Seven Seas said...

Change is the only constant in life. I have to agree that it is something to be enjoyed. Mine usually rears it's head in the form of wanderlust. Sometimes the call hits and you just gotta go see someplace new.

The Exception said...

Scotty - That will be here next summer. Is it kid friendly? I have heard that it isn't.

7 Seas - I know that feeling well. The only thing that stops me is... well, it used to be my daughter's age and now... I guess nothing stops us!