The conversations I have with men are enlightening. I have no idea how we get from one topic to the next – most often, I am there for the ride.
This conversation is a perfect example. It started off on a political vent – not the election but American government, freedoms, and the Western world in general. It ended with a conversation about a story about a man visiting a lady of the evening and then asking her to fill out a questionnaire regarding his performance.
Usually I roll with the punches. The man with whom I was speaking went right on talking about women, the lack of creative appetites post child bearing, and a man’s need to find that creative outlet somewhere. He also chatted further about power plays within the sexual relationship and the role of honesty (which I suggested was possible and he contended is not) But I kept on returning to this idea of a questionnaire…
As the man pointed out, the lady of the evening had nothing at stake. She had her money, had fulfilled the terms of the contract, and had no emotional ties to this man. Therefore, who better to give the man a review? He could then take what he learned and improve his techniques.
The conversation was interesting for so many reasons – the role of honesty, the need for creativity, power within the relationship… but it is this idea of the questionnaire that grabbed my attention. It was concrete; black and white. It was something about which I had never heard. I mean, we all want to know where we can improve for ourselves and our partners… but a questionnaire…?
I like to think that a questionnaire is not necessary. That a couple can honestly speak of such things with one another without fear of hurting the other. I can say, “um, you know that thing you were just doing… let’s not do that again.” Or he can say “That was a tad rougher than I like, but I love what you do with your palm.”
But does it actually work like that? I am all about honesty and communication and yet, I am not so willing to openly discuss such things with a partner unless I know him very well. And, to be frank (because in such matters, there is no other way to be) after a man told me that men will say anything to get laid, I am not sure that I fully believe that things I am hearing regarding my own performance.
SO the answer… a questionnaire and an objective, non emotionally connected partner.
I wonder if there is anyone else who has done this besides this man in Texas? I wonder if women do it?
I wonder… oh so many things. But how nice would it be to have that objective assessment!