18 December, 2008


Of late I have found myself in situations that involve couples.  There seem to be couples everywhere!  Most of the time this doesn’t bother me.  I mean, I wish them all the best and, in some cases, find myself thrilled that “that isn’t me!”    In truth, more often than not, I don’t even notice whether people are coupled up or not.  I am doing my own thing. 

Of late though, I have noticed.  Lately, I have not only noticed but I have observed these couples in action and, I have to say, sometimes I wonder just how the couple met, and what drew them together.  Sometimes the answer to the attraction question seems more apparent while other times… well, it is just something that lies between the two, the chemistry, and the universe, as, it is beyond me. 

All of this leaves me considering my own unattached situation.  The situation being not that I am sad, lonely, alone, and single… desperate for a man etc.  That is not the case at all.  I am considering what it is that draws one person to another; what draws me to this man over that man and this other guy to me?

An older and wiser Canadian woman (and yes that is important because everyone who has read for a while knows that the most attractive man I have ever met was from Montreal… and if you didn’t know this, Canadian women have a view on life that is a bit different than that of their southern neighbors) told me that it is, in the end, women who decide – it is the woman who chooses the man. 

I laughed (because I am a naive and under 40 American woman) because I don’t see it this way at all.  I think that there is something that lies beneath any action that is taken by either party.  It is worlds colliding or something – little to do with desire and more to do with timing and chemistry and the unknown. 

And yet, perhaps it is a bit of both. 

Dad’s House recently commented that I should chase men locally.  Chase, as in use my feminine wiles to bait and hook over chase, as in blatantly pursue and over power until I get my way with them. 

The idea of chasing a guy, in either sense, is a tad foreign to me.  I rarely chase men.  In fact, the only time I can think of chasing a man it didn’t work and I still cringe in embarrassment over the entire incident.  I don’t chase men –

I don’t chase them because I don’t know how to chase them...

As for using my feminine wiles… what are those, exactly?!

This is all part of the game of flirtation and femininity and being a woman that I never learned.  I slept through the class or something because honestly, I have no idea how to do any of this. 

A while back a guy friend told me that I am a flirt – beyond the fun, without intention flirting I do regularly.  I am a flirt in the sense that I honestly like men.  I listen, talk, laugh, care, and put them in the center of my attention when we are together.  I flirt because I am sincerely interested in what they say and think – accept them for who they are without expecting anything from them. 

And that isn’t using my feminine wiles nor is it chasing or playing a game or anything of the sort.  It is me being me… and ladies, it doesn’t work!!  I mean, it works if you want great guy friends, but if you are in pursuit of a male life companion or marriage… do not come to me seeking advice.  Clearly, I am single for a reason… I do not know how to chase a man and catch him!!

So here I sit, very aware of the couples that surround me, and I wonder, did these women chase these guys?  Did they flirt, overpower, and use their feminine wiles?  Did the women choose the men or was it the other way around?


Vinnie Sorce said...

Ask 100 people and each one will have a differnt story. It happens when it happens and nobody knows why. I'm in a sticky situation now and how it happened I have no idea... lol

mama llama said...

Funny...I've had a South American man tell me the same exact thing, that the woman does choose the man. Period.

Do we UnitedStates-ians just miss the point?

I, too, find myself constantly checking out other couples, wondering WHAT it is that keep the two together, or make them want to work through difficulties, or just basically keeps some semblance of magic on some level for 20-30-40+ years. I see reality; I see him getting on her nerves, or her nagging. That's life. But the love, the desire to be together and grow together and do things together and cultivate some common interest is so far what I have found a common denominator, which perhaps explains why my marriage has failed. It always takes two; one cannot do the work of two.

And these ponderances give me so much more respect towards those who do find the ability to make it all work.

Nice post, TE. Be well.

T said...

I too often wonder... everyone has their very own (and often amazing) story. I have been wondering too, about the men in my life and how to meet more. I mean, I adore the guys but I don't see myself with them in a long term relationship and so I know I need to get out and meet more. Yet, when I think about how I met each of them, or others that I have been in relationships with, it was all a matter of happenstance. So then I'm left wondering... do I force the issue by going online for dates? Flirt more? Because I flirt often but that doesn't mean I want to date the guy.

So yeah, I'm right there too. Who knows. I'm hoping 2009 will bring some clarity. No pressure, right?

dadshouse said...

I agree that the woman chooses the man, and hence my suggestion for you to pursue the man you want. And you're right, I didn't mean blatantly pursue, but use your wiles.

What I mean by that: put yourself into situations where men can see you, desire you. Don't give them your full attention, unless you just want a good friend. Ignore them every now and then - it will drive them nuts! Men pursue what they don't already possess.

So, by pursue I just mean put yourself in the sights of those men hunting for a great woman like you. Find a balance between deflecting their approaches and tempting them to approach you. It's a game!

searchingwithin said...

I agree wholeheartedly that it is the woman who chooses the man, however, it is not the woman who chases the man. The man still does the chasing, and the woman is the one who chooses to be RECEPTIVE, or not, to that pursuit. She has the final say. So yes, she is the one who chooses.