Is it common belief that if the man is in a relationship and he maintains female friends that one of those “friends” will end up stealing him away from the relationship? Or maybe it is the guy friend who will crowd the new man from her life?
This kind of reminds me of the idea that a single woman in the room is a shark in a room full of guppies – oh I mean married men.
I cringe at the thought of having to block out or leave my friendships with men (which I cherish greatly) in order to maintain and build a love relationship. The idea that a man would ask me to do that wrinkles my sensibilities. The notion that I might feel the need to do that… well, that is something that I just can’t imagine.
Perhaps it is up bringing? Having been raised in a family where the marriage was the focal point and the communication seemed/was solid and honest I am not accustomed to the idea of men and women being jealous of the relationships that their trusted and loved “love” might have with another.
A friend cringes every time her husband looks at another woman. I mean, a store clerk, business associate, or anyone who is not a friend of hers. I have to wonder why? He has not cheated to her knowledge. Why does she dislike him associating with other women or even flirting in a friendly (not serious) manner? And what is he not telling her as a result of her reaction? I have a hard time believing that he only associates with men every minute of every day – but that is what she would have one believe, or that is what she wants to believe.
A man enters a new relationship and breaks off all relationships with his former female friends… why? Is this the desire of the woman involved? Does he not trust himself to maintain a platonic relationship with his friends? Does he end the friendships with the “guys” too? Does he not trust his female friends to keep it platonic and adhere to the boundaries?
There isn’t a lot of trust out there it seems. I don’t know how many times I have wanted to tell married women that simply because I am conversing with their husbands about politics or international affairs or their interests and smiling, I am not trying to hook them and draw them into my lair where I will ravish them and have my way! Um ladies, it just isn’t happening!
People are interesting. People are drawn to one another as we are social beings. A relationship or marriage does not end the desire for human beings to communicate, learn from another, associate with others, or anything of the sort. We intellectually find one another interesting… and we can learn a lot from one another and our differing and varying perspectives. In the business world this is called networking. In the real world, it is about building friendships and, really, being social.
So why is being social or having friends so threatening? Why is it that we have to try and stop being who we are and enjoying the people we enjoy in order to…
Maintain a relationship with a person we love, or think we love, or want to love, or want to try and see if we can build love?
I am at my wits end here folks. This is one of those issues that I find amazingly frustrating. We are all, after all, just people – bodies with minds. It is the minds and the creativity and the person that draws us in and it is the desire to be friends that keeps us wanting to be around that person. The casual flirtation, the business lunch, even the friendship offers only fun or growth or enrichment. Why do we think that it is more than that?