01 April, 2009

Still Waters Run Deep (or Whether or not I am a Flirt)

“I think he is just 100% flirt.” I write about a man with whom I am exchanging banter.

“You are probably right, but what are you?”

“I am not a flirt.”

“You are a flirt – not a tease but a flirt”

Is this guy serious?  I am so not a flirt.  I wouldn’t know how to flirt with a strange man if my life depended upon it.  Elizabeth Taylor I am not!

The conversation has me considering though, what is a flirt? 

I admit, I flirt.  I am great with the banter, the word play, the smiles, and the attentiveness… as long as I know the man in question.  Even then, I only flirt when there is something else there.  It is a two way street – a game that requires two players. 

Throw me in with strange men and, well, I am all business and professionalism.    Sure, if there is an attractive guy and there is a spark of chemistry, I might notice and flirt a little but… that is a big if.  I am much more likely to be the quiet observer or to play the hostess attempting to introduce or to provide a comfortable environment than to flirt or charm my way through the crowd.

I am sure that most of my guy friends would attest, outside the comfort of a known relationship, I am so not a flirt.  I am the sweet quiet one.  I am the one who listens and genuinely cares.  I am not the one who ends up going home with the guy at the end of the evening.  Still waters might run deep but it takes a patient and interested man to see just how deep my waters run!

“You’re a flirt” a different friend tells me on the phone when I ask him the question.

These guys are no longer my friends as I am so not a flirt

“I didn’t flirt with you.  You noticed me for my assets, not because I flirted.”

“True… but you are a flirt.  In today’s world it is easy.  You can flirt via e-mail, Facebook, the phone…”

“I don’t flirt with you via e-mail” (he isn’t on Facebook)


“I don’t”

“Most of the time you do.”


I am coming, once again, to the conclusion that I do not understand men.  On this topic, we just do not agree.  I do not consider myself a flirt, which both friends agree that I am – especially if I have been introduced to someone.  But then again, what do these two men know (and they have never met or talked). 

They don’t always agree on everything – like one is a Tech Fan while the other is Kentucky all the way.  But when it comes to me, they often agree on everything.  They even agree that any man would want a picture of my assets…

And what do I say in response to that… Nothing!! Still waters run deep, you know… 







MindyMom said...

I have faced this too and I have come to the conclusion that people THINK you're a flirt when you have easygoing or playful conversation with a man.

I get along well with men. I grew up with brothers and I like men and genually like having conversations with ALL people -including men. But when it is a woman and a man getting along, to many that menas flirting. It irritates me that it can't just be relating.

dadshouse said...

You're such a flirt! :-)

Maybe your subconscious is flirting, and your conscious mind doesn't want to admit it? Or maybe you are giving body language that is interpreted as flirty? If two out of two men swear you flirt, there might be something to it.

I have plenty of female friends, and I don't flirt with all of them, all the time. Not even close. (Most are married, and we never flirt)

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