31 March, 2009


“I’m married,” the guy mentioned out of the blue as we walked down the hall. 

This statement is one I have heard various times.  Ironically, it is usually made by a man who doesn’t interest me in the slightest so it takes me a bit aback.  I am just never sure how to respond. 

“Ah, that’s nice?”

“Terrific!!  I am thrilled for you.”

“Thanks for sharing.”

“I’m gay.  Now that we have that out of the way…”


I have yet to figure out why men say this.  I wish someone would tell me as it is just a bit weird.  My usual response, “okay…” and I continue with the conversation.  It is a kind of “who cares” kind of thing as it is information I didn’t want or need.  I am not sure of the point either.  Does he want to talk about marriage?  His wife?  Is he just letting me know (just in case I might be interested) that he belongs to someone else? 

Baffling, I tell you.  Men are baffling. 

But don’t go jumping to conclusions as women puzzle me just as much. 

I have seen women go above and beyond to ensure that every woman even remotely associated with their “man” knows that the guy is taken.  Some do it very subtlety while others might as well put it in neon on Time’s Square as it is that obvious.  Just a tad over the top and over done.

I remember going to a bar with a friend of mine and his wife.  The woman was going above and beyond to ensure that every last person in the bar knew that they were together.  I found myself a bit uncomfortable with the display as did the other friend that was with us.  The piece of territory she was marking didn’t realize the discomfort or the overt gestures – I would bet dollars to doughnuts the rest of the bar did. 

I am not territorial, especially when it comes to people.  Trust underlies every relationship I have.  I can’t imagine a situation in which I had to remind some guy that he is taken.  Similarly I can’t see myself ever needing to mark my territory publicly.  (And definitely not overtly)

I understand that some people are territorial.  Other people are insecure for whatever reason – whether it is because there is a history there or that they realize that the other sex involved is not to be trusted… I just don’t know.  Are there other reasons territorialism occurs?  Why women mark their “man” as they often do?  Why men feel the need to state publicly, and for the record, “I’m married.?”



dadshouse said...

Maybe he had the hots for you, and he was telling you he's married so that a) if he doesn't hit on you, you don't think he's gay, or b) if he does hit on you, you'll remind him that he's married!


Mike said...

A guy will say it when he's attracted to you and doesn't know how to handle what he's feeling. Saying he's married makes him feel better that he's lusting after you while he has a wife at home.

MindyMom said...

I was gonna say pretty much what Mike said. And for the women? Just plain insecure. I'm with you.

justrun said...

Sometimes, when I hear someone do this, I can't help but think that some spouse or SO has freaked them out so badly that they feel they have to proclaim they're attached immediately for fear of the repercussions later.

Twenty Four At Heart said...

So many men are poor communicators. If they have a jealous spouse at home they may want to be able to go home and say, "I told her I was married right up front" Men! Who can figure them out?

Mike said...

Watch City Slickers. It says it all.