17 June, 2009

Human doings

There are people who are human doings. 

Something happens, change occurs, their lives are in flux and they take action. 

They "do" and work hard to wrap up loose ends or to tie pretty bows or to find answers to questions or solve problems that are much bigger and deeper than the solutions they seek.

I know about these people because at times, I am one of these people.

"If I just get the paperwork done... then we can all move on."  "If we just get this test out of the way..."  "If I just have this conversation or find these answers..."

I have a tendency to want to control a situation to the extent possible, especially in the first stages, when everything is new - especially when the change is not something I choose but is something that I am a part of due to the choices of others or past choices.

Ah, control... It is such an illusion to some extent. 

The only part of my life that I truly control is the way I respond to life and people and situations.  My perspectives and interpretations... I control.  My choices... I control to some extent... but life and situations... they are just beyond me or you or really anyone.  The outcome remains unwritten despite how much we would like to think otherwise.

Although I have known this for years, it is a lesson that I find myself learning in various forms and degrees... and I think, this time, I am learning it more powerfully than any other time in my life.

Life unfolds. 

Life is unwritten. 

Challenges aren't solved over night or with the flip of a wrist or a click of the mouse. 

Challenges are overcome with time, patience, acceptance, and love.

Man plans; God laughs.

This lesson, as many of late, is one I am learning with my daughter.

My daughter who feels caught up in the middle of something she can not control nor truly understand.  My daughter who is having to let go and trust despite the uncertainty that surrounds her and has become a part of her every day life.  My daughter who has suffered silently at school and ballet without saying a word until recently.

Her stuffed dog lay between us absorbing her tears as she spilled her heart  and thoughts over the weekend.  I realized, without doubt and with my entire heart that things had to change.  Choices had to be made.  one of those choices being that I have to slow down and let time play out.  I have to be a human “being.”

Patience is a blessing.  Time has a healing power.  For my daughter, I see the desire for both; I see the need for both.  I stop looking at time and outcomes and start focusing on today, reality, and love.  

In time it will work as it will.  In time there will be answers.  There is no hurry to solve everything or to find solutions or build mountains or bridges – they will happen, if meant to happen - in time.

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