Meditation

Beyond the birds chirping and the sounds of air conditioners, the world around me stood quiet.  I made my way downstairs to attempt to meditate.

Meditate... I haven’t done this, I mean seriously attempted to do it, in 10 years.  Perhaps it is time to try again.

I used to do it at night, this time I am trying the mornings - it isn't like I am sleeping these days anyway!

I sat on the floor, closed my eyes and began to breathe.

In, out, in out...

Hey, I'm doing it...

Well, no, no I am not doing it if I am thinking I am...

Breathe in and out, in and out

Dialog from the conversation with my daughter the night before drifts in.  I push it aside... think about that later, now just focus on breathing.

In, out, in out...

I notice my breathing is shallow and I feel like I am stretching into the top of my forehead...this is not meditation.

I stop, open my eyes, take a deep breath and try again...

Focus, let go, breathe

My leg trembles

I focus on my breathing

relax, focus, let go...

I can feel the tears there, somewhere, They are just beyond my grasp.

Too many thoughts between here and there.  Too much stuff to work through; too much house to clean.

In and out I breathe, focusing on the love of each breath and the healing that comes with time and tears

I will keep trying - I will work to find that space where I can let go and be