01 June, 2007

Human Touch

Sometimes the best we can give is not something material or found in the form of words. Sometimes the best we can give is as simple as a touch.

Touch is not something I do well or very naturally. I do not like kissing anyone but a lover on the lips. I just can't do it. I do not like physical crowding. I will not hesitate to follow my instincts when it comes to comforting another or lending a hand when help is needed, but in most any other circumstance I simply am not a touchy person. I attract men that are not touchy either. Yet, together, we are quite comfortable touching.

There are times when being a "not so touchy" person can have its draw backs. There are other times when being with a "not so touchy" person is emotionally difficult.

Eight years ago I took a pregnancy test. Then I took another.
And then I called FWB.
"How accurate are these tests?"
I am sure he was thrilled that, at the time, he was not an FWB but just a very good friend. "They are fairly accurate."
And my life changed. I was okay. It was all going to be okay.
But I had to tell X. I did not want to tell X. I was scared to tell X.
It is when I told X that I found myself alone. It is the oddest feeling to be in a room with someone you love and who loves you and feel very alone.
And my life changed again. I learned how it feels to be loved and alone. It is a feeling that I experience every now and again. perhaps it is an aspect of two "not so touchy" people loving one another. I wanted and needed to be held - no words; no emotional outpourings; no promises. I needed to be held.

The impact of a human touch - a hug - can speak volumes in ways that words or other actions can not.

Earlier this year I had to have a few biopsies taken. it hurt. Although I have endured this in the past; although I knew that the diagnosis would most likely not be that bad if bad at all; although I am a rational person who was aware of what was happening - I wanted to be held. I didn't just want the company of a friend, my hand held (both of which I had and appreciated); I wanted to let go in the security of another. I wanted to feel the embrace that says - you are not alone; you are loved; we will do it together; and I will take care of you.

But that didn't happen.

I came home, prepared dinner for my daughter, requested her to understand that I didn't feel well (but I wasn't throwing up so... obviously, to her, I was fine) and curled up in my bed with a book. I tried to forget that I hurt and that, even with my daughter in the house and the love of friends and family, I felt alone.

As a "not so touchy" person, I tend to forget to appreciate the importance of human touch. Well, I would if my daughter wasn't always reminding me!

Touch is a means of communication and a need that many of us forget until the time comes when we find it is what we need and all we want - and we hope that it is simply given or that we have the means of asking.

When I need to be held and touched the most is exactly the time when I do not know how to request it or fulfill that need. How does one, in a moment of need, focus on forming the request? How does one voice that needing a way that can be understood as the high priority need that it is?


cathouse teri said...

I'm afraid, my dear, that even if you were a touchy person, you would find yourself alone at some of the hardest times in your life. Some of those times are meant to be suffered alone. It makes us stronger, and it makes us more compassionate.

If not for that aloneness, we would be neither of these things. :(

I have more love than anyone deserves. There are more people who love me than I can count. But I am so often alone at the times when I need them the most.

TxGambit said...

While I agree with what Teri said to a point, when I am in a situation where I need some touchy feely touch. I ask! No words needed other than, to just say, "I need to be held."

But, then, you have to be someone who is able to do that. You have to be close to that person.

I needed it today but it isn't possible so I just made a call. He was so sweet and just talked to me. He then called me later just to say Hi, and said I sounded better. I felt better!

It wasn't a touch but it was just what a needed, a vocal touch if you will. If it were possible to get that actual hug, holding security from him, I would have just asked. He would have been more than happy to do it if it were possible.

(sorry this got loooong!)

TAG said...

I know this is way late and horribly insufficient; but, would a cyber hug help now? >:D<

If so, consider it done.


cathouse teri said...

gambit is right
there's nothing wrong with asking

my verification word is hufalg
like a hug from a huffalump

egan said...

I was raised in a very touchy feely family. I think there's magic in the power of a hug. I hope to pass this same vibe on to my daughter when she arrives in August. By the way, thanks for visiting my blog.

Ba Doozie said...

I think you are just going to have to retrain yourself to ask whoever it is for a hug, just say it. what are they going to do, say no? I don't think so

JustRun said...

I'm a touchy person, always have been. I like hugging and most the time, I don't ask, I just do it. Still, I know the feeling of wanting someone to give you a hug, even if you haven't asked for it.

Mike said...

I'm a touchy person by nature which is good for my profession. However I know when I'm in emotional distress I can crave it like a pacifier. So for me it is always finding a balance of taking care of myself and not doing it alone.

Michelle said...

I grew up in a not touchy family, it really wasn't until I left for college that I heard the "I love yous" and got the hugs. Although I am not usually touchy feely with most people, it has been such a relief when I've been held in the past.

The Exception said...

Teri - I agree with what you said. I have learned to endure quite well. Surviving those moments - though difficult - has proven to make me a stronger person.

TXGambit - I am glad that he was there for you and that you were able to get what you needed. Asking is something I don't do well in many situations about most anything. I have this idea that I can do it all on my own!

TAG - Thanks for your thoughtfulness. Hugs always are appreciated.

EGAN - There is definitely magic in a hug. My daughter practices this magic all the time. Despite my not begins o touchy feely, she is in spades.

Ba Doozie - That is like training an old dog to do new tricks, but it can be done and I am trying. (well, most of the time!)

Just Run - Perhaps the issue is wanting a person to want to give that hug or that touch because they want to give comfort etc. I simply feel weird asking for this kind of hug.

Mike - okay, I am now curious, what kind of profession encourages touchy feely? (Beyond those that immediately come to mind as I don't think that you are engaged in such work ;) )
Michelle - I grew up in the same kind of family. We expressed emotion and love without saying it or touching. Strangely, I never missed the touching etc until later in life.

Mike said...

I'm a chiropractor. When you touch someone it needs to be warm, gentle, calm. We all can sense how a person is when we touch them.